


Happy Campers

by Gabby (Kirahsoka)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ace!Ahsoka, Ahsoka Loves Nature, As in Free, Asexual Character, Barriss Hates Nature, Bisexual!Ahsoka, Camping, Choose Your Love Poison, Confusion, Dorks in Love, F/F, Fluff and Angst, HotMess!Barriss, Self-Discovery, Two Stories for One Low Price
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22118230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirahsoka/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: A Jedi's meditation retreat should be a time of reflection, refreshment, and renewal. When their retreats coincide, Ahsoka wheedles Barriss into becoming one with nature. The experience is... enlightening.Set in a Star Wars universe where the Jedi Order survived the Clone Wars, no one was betrayed, and attachments are permitted.
Relationships: Barriss Offee/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 45
Kudos: 60





	1. The Choice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dragonheart37](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonheart37/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka cajoles Barriss into torturing herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end of this chapter, you will be faced with a choice. The story beats, POV, structure, and fluffy fun remain the same regardless of your decision. The relationship issues, internal conflict, some scenes/content, rating, and angst level vary. Pick a path and see where it leads... (or pick both and have it all--isn't that what makes fanfiction glorious?).

“Come on, Barriss! It’ll be _fun._ ” 

Calm focus evaporated, and the Mirialan opened her eyes to see her worst nightmare. An utterly dazzling Ahsoka Tano, gazing down at her in childlike earnesty, asking Barriss to torture herself. Then, it came. The ringer. Her biggest weakness. _That_ look. 

Ahsoka’s lips puckered into an adorable pout. “Please? Our retreat periods never coincide. It’s too perfect to pass up. Camping in the Sanctuary Habitat is amazing. It’s not like the rest of Coruscant with metal, smog, and bodies everywhere. I checked and no other Jedi are even in there right now. Can you believe it?!” 

“Shocking.” 

“I know! Last time Anakin and I went, we ran into someone everyday. It'll just be us and nature! It’s way better than boring meditation retreats at the Temple. You get to become one with the world around you. Plus, we can go fishing, swimming, hiking, and all kinds of fun stuff.” 

Such an activity would result in the exact opposite of the stated goal. Even if spending extended time in dirt and chaos, where strange creatures slithered by her as she slept, didn’t make Barriss shudder; doing so with Ahsoka would send her tumbling into a pit of emotional insanity. Becoming one with anything other than a meltdown would be impossible. “I’m sorry. I intended to complete the Je'daii Ritual and that takes several days. I won’t be able to go.” 

The bright enthusiasm crashed. “Oh. Right. Of course, you’d already have plans. Silly of me. It just felt like a chance to—” She barked a bizarre sound, presumably intended to be a laugh. “I’ll find something else to do, no worries.” Her shoulders hunched. “Sorry, I’m probably interrupting your preparations, huh? I’ll let you get to it. Hope the ritual goes well.” She shuffled toward the door. 

Her traitorous heart couldn’t stand it. Jumping up from her mat, Barriss called, “Wait! Maybe I can—” She broke off as her brain caught up to her heart. _What are you doing?!_

Ahsoka twisted around with a hopeful expression. It was so open, so vulnerable. 

_Blasted Force!_ There was no way in the everlasting cosmos Barriss could ever crush that face. Resigning herself to destruction, she said, “I suppose a non-traditional retreat format might be beneficial. I’ll give it a try.” 

Pure joy blazed in the blue eyes Barriss swore had their own magnetic force. Bounding over, Ahsoka threw arms around her. “Thank you! You’re gonna love it. Promise.” 

Heat rushed through her body as Ahsoka’s pressed against it. _Offee, you are doomed._

_______ 

Passing through the security grid, they sped down a line of rough dirt that apparently constituted a road. The guide path ended about a klick inside the Sanctuary Habitat, and their transport screeched to a halt. Rustic signs proclaimed in Aurebesh, “No Vehicles Beyond This Point.” The contrast between the bustling streets they’d just left behind and the dense forest now on display was startling. 

At the dawn of the Galactic Republic, the newly established government had gifted a huge swath of land to the Order. Eschewing the concept of commercial development and economic holdings, the Jedi had opted to create a sanctuary where any citizen could explore the bounties of nature. It had been planted and left to its own devices, hindered only by shielded yet expansive boundaries. However, unfettered access had gradually damaged the ecosystem. Cleaning up the aftermath of repeated destructive incidents had also taken considerable time and resources. As a result, usage had eventually been restricted to only members of the Order and approved educational, religious, or social groups. Now, the Habitat was simply an oddity to the denizens of Coruscant, nestled among the ever-encroaching cityscape. 

Barriss had only been here once as part of a clan fieldtrip. Her mind had tried to erase the experience from its memory banks with limited success. Unlike the cultivated and controlled fauna at the Temple, this was a microcosm of raw wilderness. She didn’t enjoy the capriciousness of untamed nature, even less so when young. Barriss Offee, the model youngling, hadn’t been able to adapt to the unpredictable environment—frustrating her clan leader, pleasing her clanmates, and sending herself into a near breakdown. The others had reveled in her fall from favored status by planting creepy lizards in her bag, jumping out of trees to frighten her senseless, and reporting any mistake she committed with exceptional assiduity. 

It had taken weeks for Barriss to recover her equanimity and confidence after the brief two-day expedition. Now, here she was—marching into her childhood nightmare, courtesy of a different kind of chaos. Granted, adult Barriss was considerably better at adaptation. She’d certainly experienced much more traumatic and terrifying things. Yet, this place still evoked childish anxiety. _Wonderful. Extra is just what you needed._

Ahsoka leapt from the vehicle and whistled. “It’s even more beautiful than I remember.” 

Barriss eyed the ominous treeline, darkening clouds, and muddy path from the safe confines of their speeder. “Right.” 

“We have arrived at your requested destination,” the droid driving their Temple transport droned. “You must now exit the vehicle. Collect your belongings and stand clear.” 

Hurriedly grabbing their supply bags, Ahsoka bounced on her toes. “Ready?” 

Barriss gingerly stuck a booted heel into the spongy ground. Steeling her nerves, she planted both feet in the wild. 

“Stand clear. This transport is departing. Repeat. Stand clear.” 

Taking a deep breath, Barriss stepped back and watched the last remnant of civilization speed off in a whine of finality. _All in now, Offee._ The transport wasn’t scheduled to return for seven days. 

An anxious question came from behind her. “Are you—is this ok?” 

Barriss plastered a smile and turned around. “I’m sure it will be an… interesting experience.” 

Ahsoka brightened. “And fun. You’ll see! Once we get going, it’ll grow on you.” 

Swatting a bug that was apparently obsessed with her face, she remarked, “I’d prefer that nothing grows on me, actually.” 

Her friend laughed and then slipped a pack over Barriss’ shoulders. “Come on, Offee. I’m gonna teach you how to be one with nature.” 

Ahsoka’s hands skimmed along her back as they adjusted the straps, causing an involuntary shiver. _Yep. Totally doomed._

_________

**Choose Your Love Story:**

[Path #1: Barriss is confused about Ahsoka’s feelings (T)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22118230/chapters/52841692)

[Path #2: Ahsoka is confused about her own feelings (M)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22118230/chapters/52842067)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, um, funny story (pun kinda intended). See, I wrote this one-shot about a Barrissoka camping trip. Then, I had a Brilliant Idea™. So, I wrote it again. Now, I had two thematically distinct stories that shared the same structure. Do we all see the problem? How can an author be expected to choose between her baby yodas like that?! It's cruel and inhumane. Consequently, in a perfectly rational and in no way time-sucking decision, I rewrote them again to fit yet another Brilliant Idea™. And I have now delivered two of the same story--which is not at all the same story--to you. Read one, both, pick your fav, whatever. You've got options, people.
> 
> _Lessons Learned:_ Thinking of different witty dialogue for a conversation I've already written fries my brain and makes everything unamusing. Keeping track of callback lines by version is a task from the depths of damnation. How to use split screen. Editing fifty pages at once totally sucks. Identical dialogue can result in a different feel based on what comes before it. Changing non-essential words makes me strangely delighted. I cannot write a new scene for one baby without feeling like a jerk to my other baby--equality for all! There's a thin line between heavy and light tones, and I'm neurotic. Don't get attached. They apparently do not actually make a pill for my issues. Never, never, never again.
> 
> Number of Hours Gabby Expended on This Insanity: _Calculating..._ (3 * 4 + 8) * 9 + 17 + 6 = Oh Gods. I can't.


	2. Path #1: See Me (All of Me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss struggles with her feelings for Ahsoka, while reassessing her conception of love.  
> Ahsoka struggles with confessing something about herself that may confirm her worst fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This path is dedicated to [Dragonheart37](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonheart37).

Ahsoka glowered at the stick she was nonsensically rolling between her palms, “Come on.”

Barriss barely registered the words. She maintained wary vigilance on the opposite side of the clearing, where a majestic tree sat in apparent indifference to the terror it housed. She edged diagonally to gain more distance. Reptilian eyes oscillated in rapid dilations, tracking her movements. _Gah! Don’t you dare!_ The creature rose on its spindly legs and crept branch to branch, shafts of sunlight glinting off its jaded scales. Having matched her position, the fiend hunkered down once more. Its forked tongue flicked out of a disquieting grin. _Oh, you are an evil, evil lizard._

After four hours of painstakingly slow hiking through thick underbrush, Ahsoka had finally let them stop to make camp. Of course, the concession had been accompanied by muttered grumbling about there being plenty of daylight left. Given it was late afternoon, the complaint wasn’t inaccurate. However, Barriss didn’t care.

She hadn’t eaten since early this morning. Her joints popped with every movement. Mud-sodden boots squished beneath her toes. A biting wind she would have thanked the Force for two hours ago made her sweat-soaked robes feel like an icy prison. Whatever this unfiltered air contained; it was clogging her nose. And her creeping headache had swelled into a piercing throb. Now, she was being stalked by a nefarious lizard from the depths of Malachor itself.

Nature was taunting her. And Barriss Offee was operating on a very short fuse.

_Maybe I could pretend to pass out. She'd have to call a medical transport, right? Knowing my luck, it would crash into a tree trying to land in this unholy wilderness. I’d be stuck feigning unconsciousness on this unsanitary ground for hours. Sith’s pet and his creepy little friends would probably nibble half my fingers off before Ahsoka noticed._

Backing further away from her nemesis, she perched on the edge of a half-rotted log. The creature stayed put, evidently content to torment her from afar. _That’s what I thought, lizard breath. Come one inch closer and I’ll send you ricocheting into a nexu’s mouth._ Rubbing a shaky hand over her forehead, Barriss forced her attention to the struggling Ahsoka. “You know, we could simply use the Force to—”

“No! I can do this! We’re being one with nature. Viewing the world from a different angle. Exploring the balance of existence. Lighting your own fire by using only the tools around you is part of the experience. Just give me a minute.”

Barriss stared. “Where did you get all of that?”

“Master Obi-Wan. He says camping reminds us of how insignificant we are, why nature should be respected, and how much beauty there is beyond our small bubble of reality. It lets you see truths you never would have recognized otherwise. Or something like that. Anakin cheats a bit when we go on our own. But I want us to do things properly.”

“Huh. Well, these are big promises you’re making. If I don’t leave here with a new worldview, I’m going to be disappointed.”

Ahsoka smirked. “Wait and see, Offee.”

“Mhmm.” Glancing up to check the whereabouts of her nemesis, Barriss relaxed. The little monster had found a large beetle to focus its diabolical attentions upon and was currently scurrying after its prize. Once the lizard vanished into the treeline, she found a new focus of her own.

As the Togruta spun her stick, Barriss’ eyes traced the graceful lines of her face. _So beautiful._ How long had she loved Ahsoka? _Forever._ Her feelings had only grown stronger and deeper as time passed, despite every effort to subjugate them. _Too bad nature can’t fix that._

Romantic attachments, while uncommon, weren’t forbidden in the Order. One had to attain the rank of knight before embarking on any type of committed relationship, though. And inexperienced Jedi were assigned a mentor to provide guidance, especially in attachment control. However, given both she and Ahsoka achieved knighthood during the war, there had been ample opportunity to act on her feelings over the last few years. Barriss kept battling her heart for a single reason. Ahsoka simply didn’t think of her like that.

It was so obvious as to be a mark of her own insanity that she still held onto the dream. Every signal Barriss put out was ignored. Time spent together was always couched in terms of friendship. The casual physicality that sent her own body into a tailspin had no seeming effect on Ahsoka.

Even without those facts, there appeared to be a lack of interest in general. Her friend had once confessed an illicit relationship as a Padawan. From what Barriss could gather, that was the woman’s entire romantic history. Nor did there seem to be a wish to explore any further. Either way, that type of relationship clearly wasn’t something Ahsoka wanted to pursue with her.

Granted, Barriss hadn’t expended much energy in that area, either. While attracted to a multitude of species and genders, she’d only given the subject serious attention twice. Once with a stunningly handsome Togruta artisan she had met on a mission, which had flamed out within weeks. It hadn’t taken her long to realize physical attraction didn’t translate into compatibility. The more meaningful effort came with a fellow knight. A Tholothian, whose wit and kindness had appealed to Barriss. She’d enjoyed her time with Ciayn yet had also found their relationship unfulfilling. It lacked a deeper emotionality, an intrinsic connection, something… more.

In truth, only one relationship had ever qualified as that undefinable _more_ for Barriss. And it was the one she couldn’t have. At least, not the way she wanted. Barriss accepted her position in Ahsoka’s life as one friend among many. In fact, she treasured their bond. Some days, it was even enough. But not today.

As she watched the woman’s escalating frustration, Barriss fought her own instinct to make it better. She wanted to stroke Ahsoka’s cheek and murmur reassurance, until the bright smile returned. _I want to be the one who’s always there for you. I want to show you how special you are. I want to be… yours._

Finally, a spark ignited. Ahsoka blew on it, trying to coax the weak flame into something substantial. But it flared out in defiant protest. “Argh!” Leaping up, she flung the blackened stick across the clearing and kicked the dirt. Her fists clenched and then she dropped back onto the ground. The woman pulled knees to her chest, jamming a chin into them. “I don’t understand. I’ve done it twice before. I mean Rex and Obi-Wan guided me. Still, I should be able to do this without them!” There was a low mumble. “Learn how to be on your own again, Tano.”

Barriss left her log and crouched beside her. “Hey, don’t give up.” She suppressed the urge to caress the dejected face. “I have faith in you. You’ll get it.”

She dragged her eyes up to Barriss. “Do you really believe that?”

“That’s truth even nature can’t deny, Ahsoka Tano.” She grinned. “You can do _anything._ ”

Her chin and shoulders lifted. “I don’t know about that, but thanks.”

“Well, I know.” Her grin faltered as a shiver rippled through chilled bones.

Frowning, Ahsoka reached over to touch her fingers. “Oh no. You’re like ice.” Speeding to their supplies, the woman rummaged through a pack and returned with a blanket. Wrapping it around Barriss, she massaged warmth into her arms. “I’m sorry. This hasn’t been much fun so far, huh? I promise tomorrow will be better.”

“Being with you is always fun,” she replied quietly.

Ahsoka smiled. “That’s nice.” She grabbed another stick. “Ok, let’s get to the happy part of the camping.”

“Yes, dazzle me,” Barriss commented with an airy wave of her blanketed arm.

The woman squinted at her. “I told you to wait and see, Offee.”

“Mhmm.” She remained beside her through several more ruined sticks, putting in an occasional word of encouragement.

When the kindling at long last ignited the recalcitrant firewood, Ahsoka whooped and hugged her in delighted triumph. “We did it!”

Her pulse spiked, and Barriss took an unsteady breath. This was going to be a very long week.

_______

Ahsoka finally reappeared, hauling a collection of thick branches behind her.

In the middle of refastening a headscarf after taming her mess of sweat-iced hair, Barriss asked, “What’s all that for?”

“It looks like it might rain, so I’m gonna build us a small shelter to sleep in tonight.”

Her jaw went slack. “Wait. Are you saying we don’t have a tent?”

“Course not,” Ahsoka replied as she assessed the space between two gigantic trees. “We’re being one with nature, remember?”

Barriss massaged her temples. “Oh, yes. Silly me for thinking even low-tech camping supplies were acceptable.”

“Hey, I brought a tarp for emergencies! And I _am_ letting us use our lightsabers for path clearing. Things could be much worse. One time, Obi-Wan made us hack through an entire field of thorns with dull machetes! I can get a basic roof over our heads in less than an hour. Once we get to our actual campsite, I’ll build us something way better than an ugly, boring tent. Besides, a heavy enough tent to survive an occasional monsoon is a pain to carry around.”

She blinked. “Did you say monsoon?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah.” Eyeing the pile of limbs, the woman hefted one in her hands and examined it. “Did I not mention it’s monsoon season here?” Lying the branch out and comparing it to her chosen space, she ignited her saber and sliced six inches off the end.

“No,” Barriss stated with crisp dryness. “You did not.”

“Huh.” Wedging the branch between the trees, Ahsoka slapped hands on her pants and turned around. “Well, not to worry.” She lifted wide arms to the heavens and proclaimed, “You’ve got me!”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “I suppose that’s something.”

“That’s the spirit!” Ahsoka continued trimming and interlocking branches together with single-minded focus.

Barriss watched her work as she chewed a ration bar. Her eyes drank the wiry muscles, the shapely curves, the limber body, the rhythmic motions… _You are a miracle of the Force trapped in mortal form._ Swallowing her last bite, she leaned back against a log and savored the sublime view.

“You can go ahead and unpack, if you want.”

Her mind had wandered so far into utter mesmerization that Barriss yelped when the spell was broken.

Ahsoka twisted around to look at her. “What was that? Are you ok?”

She barked a high-pitched laugh. “No—yes, I’m fine. I had drifted off a bit is all.” Shaking herself, Barriss processed the original statement. “Unpack what? I thought you said we’re only here for the night.”

“I meant stuff for in the morning. You know, like a hiking outfit, underclothing, and fresh headscarf. Or, your super spiffy mouth cleanser you _swear_ is 1.7 times more effective than mine. I hope we can move out at dawn and searching bags by torchlight is a pain. It helps to gather everything now, while there’s sun to see it.”

Barriss cocked her head. “Hiking outfit?”

Ahsoka’s eyebrows knitted and then shot up. “Oh, no. Please, don’t tell me your Jedi robes are all you brought to wear.”

“What’s wrong with that? I fought a war in them. Surely, they can survive a week in the woods.”

“Yeah, they’ll _survive._ Will you enjoy surviving in them is a different question.”

Crossing her arms, she huffed. “If I needed a specific type of attire, why didn’t you mention it?”

There was a loud groan. “I didn’t think I had to state the obvious. We’re living in nature, Barriss. There could be extreme temperatures, weather events, muddy trails, hunting expeditions, barbed plants, wild animals, all kinds of stuff to wreak havoc on your clothes. We don’t have a cleaning reclamator stowed away in our packs. There aren’t bathhouses with sonic showers camouflaged behind a tree. Thick robes will be impossible to effectively mend or wash, not to mention dry. You’ll feel icky and miserable wearing them all the time. Did you bring _any_ other outfits?”

“Of course,” she retorted, the throb in her temples swelling once more. “I have another set of robes to change into while these are being… cleaned.” Her stomach dropped. “Oh. I’m so stupid.”

Releasing the branch she was holding, Ahsoka crossed the clearing to kneel beside her. “Don’t say that. It’s my fault. I should have made sure you were prepared. I didn’t think about the fact that you’d never camped without modern conveniences before.”

She fixed on a grassy patch of dirt. “I came here as a youngling but don’t remember bringing special clothes. I think we had a cleaning droid, though. The only time I’ve stayed in this type of environment more than a night was during the war. And there was always a nearby encampment with everything I needed.” Barriss hugged herself. “I should have researched.” _Between anxiety attack number three and meltdown number four, maybe._

Fingers lifted her chin. “Hey, don’t get upset. It’s not the end of the world. Adapting on the fly is all part of the experience.” She winked.

A reluctant grin edged onto her face. “You’re never giving up this campaign, are you?”

“Nope.” Ahsoka thumped her chest and pronounced with dramatic flair, “We are but mere mortals who ebb and flow in the effervescent yet abiding winds of creation. To conquer ourselves, we must accept the journey.”

She grunted. “Terrible.”

“Ack! How dare you?! That is an ancient and cherished saying by, uh, someone famous who… explored nature alot.”

Barriss quirked an eyebrow. “Mhmm.”

Ahsoka chuckled and brushed a thumb over her chin. “Fine. Since you’re unimpressed with my repertoire of motivational speeches, I’ll have to up my game.”

Drawn into the magnetic gaze, she murmured, “Dazzle me, then.”

A tiny muscle in her right cheek twitched. “Wait and see, Offee.” Then, she raced to one of her bags. Random garments flew helter-skelter onto the ground, until a triumphant cry sounded. Ahsoka shook out a pair of navy pants and matching top that resembled the dark green ones she was sporting. An outfit Barriss found distractingly curve-hugging. “I’m bigger than you in the chest, so the tunic might be loose. Otherwise, I think these should fit.”

Trying to ignore the pleasing yet disappointing thought that Ahsoka had been comparing their chest sizes but felt no awkwardness in mentioning it, Barriss took the offered gift. “Thanks.”

“Actually, this probably worked out better. You wouldn’t have had anything this specialized to bring. The fabric is treated to resist tearing, wick moisture, and repel insects. It’s easy to wash in the river and dries super-fast. These will be light and comfortable compared to your robes. Though, the top only has half-sleeves. Maybe add your outer robe on top, when you want an extra layer.”

“Don’t you need them?”

“No, I always bring a backup set. I’ve got a couple of other options in my bag, if you don't like those. Just say, ok? I really want you to enjoy this. Honestly, I’d give you all my clothes and hike naked, if it would help make that happen.”

Her fingers dug into the fabric they were holding. _She probably would._ Ahsoka was by no means modest and had a distaste for restrictive clothing in normal circumstances. Still, there was usually room for imagination. _Wonder if I'd stare like an idiot, have a seizure, or just pass out?_ “That would certainly be a, erm, memorable experience.”

She returned a wide grin. “That’s the idea.”

Rubbing a palm over her heart, Barriss switched to a safer line. “So, I was going to sleep in my robes. Do you think I should change into these instead?”

Her nose wrinkled. “Why would you want to do either? You’d be adding unnecessary grime. Just strip down to your underclothes. The repellant will protect your skin from insects and small animals better than clothing. You can layer a blanket for temperature fluctuations. That’s what I do, anyway.”

Barriss’ lungs seized into a gasping breath.

Hands laid on her shoulders. “What’s wrong? Is it the pollen? Or, are you still chilly? Wait, is the fire choking you up? Should I dampen it?”

“Ergnohm—” She coughed. “No, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

Ahsoka tightened her fingers. “Are you sure? Please tell me, so I can fix it.”

She bit back a bitter laugh. _How I wish you could._ “Something caught in my throat. I’m fine.” Brightening her tone, she continued, “Congratulations, you’ve successfully dazzled me. Now, get back to work, Master of Happy Camping. If rain pelts my head while I’m trying to sleep, that’s definitely going to impact the fun factor.”

The woman hopped up with a smarmy salute. “Your wish is my command.” Then, she resumed building their temporary shelter.

Choked breaths rattled in her chest. Barriss wasn’t sure which was worse—a practically nude Ahsoka sleeping a few feet away or her friend being so utterly innocent about the entire thing. The first meant nights of stretching her overwrought emotions to a breaking point. The second meant nights of unbridled misery, knowing Ahsoka didn’t have the same problem. _I think I’d prefer the damned lizard._

_______

Barriss settled onto her surprisingly cushy bedroll and pulled the blanket up to her neck. A slow pitter-patter of raindrops began to sound. Grateful it had held off until she was safely tucked away, the woman focused on calming her mind. _You can handle this._

Ahsoka flounced into the shelter, and Barriss stopped breathing. _Ok, I so can’t handle this._

Skintight, black underwear barely hit her upper thigh, like shorts someone had forgotten to finish. The maddeningly skimpy material edged up a perfectly proportioned buttocks during Ahsoka’s hop onto her bedroll. Jaunty breasts jiggled in their narrow strip of elastic fabric as the Togruta crawled around arranging her blanket. It was like watching the Force in motion. If the Force had a sleek back, sculpted thighs, and a more than ample bosom.

Jerking away, Barriss fixed on the interlocking canopy of branches and leaves making up the roof. _Focus. Focus. Focus._

A hand nudged her arm. “Hey, what did you decide to wear? You changed while I was refilling the canteens, and I didn’t see.”

She slowly turned her head to see a very exposed Ahsoka laying on her side, head propped on a fist. Barriss’ heartbeat thudded in her ears. “I, um, took your suggestion.”

“Oh good! I’m glad. You’ll be more comfortable. Though, I must confess to feeling cheated,” she continued with a glint of mischief in her eye. “I thought I'd at long last discover what type of underclothing Barriss Offee finds acceptable. Then, I arrive to find you wrapped up like an Alduvian mummy. That's just plain evil!”

Her pulse went from erratic to chaotic. “Y-you're not serious?”

“Totally! Critical life question.”

She assessed the woman but found nothing to suggest the inquiry was more than innocent teasing. Aching heaviness settled onto her heart. Barriss returned her gaze to the canopy, vision blurring with unshed tears. “You're not missing out on anything exciting.”

“What kind qualify as exciting? A certain material or is it style? Where do mine fall on the spectrum of excitement?” The woman snorted. “I’m guessing minus one.”

Feeling as if her chest was caving in, she snapped, “Why does it matter?”

There was a sharp breath. “It doesn’t! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you. Just ignore my stupid rambling.”

 _Dammit, Offee. What is wrong with you?_ Barriss rolled to face her. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I have trouble—this isn’t an environment I do well in. Guess I'm a little edgy.”

She bit her lip. “It was a silly topic. I only wanted to make you smile, because you seem anxious. Sometimes, I overdo it and make things worse.”

Barriss winced. “Please, stop worrying. I need time to adapt, and then it'll be fine. Don’t stress yourself out ensuring I’m happy at every moment. Besides,” she added softly, “you always make me smile.”

Ahsoka gazed at her and murmured, “That’s nice.” Then, she laid flat on the bedroll, twisting her head toward Barriss. “Once we get to our actual campsite tomorrow, things will be better. We could have pushed on to get there today, but you looked a bit done.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “A bit? How about I was seriously contemplating faking a seizure to get you to stop?”

Her mouth parted and then contorted into a snorting laugh.

Barriss tried not to ogle at the delightful side effect of Ahsoka’s sinewy stomach sharpening into a chiseled mass of perfection. “Lucky for you, the fear of creepy lizards taking up residence on my prostrate body outweighed all other concerns.” That caused an escalation in both laughter and delectable muscle flexing. Barriss trailed absent fingers over her collarbone as she soaked in the sight. _So beautiful. In every way._

At last bringing herself under control, Ahsoka said, “Sorry. I kinda took a shortcut with not the smoothest terrain. We’ll go the easier route tomorrow. That will still get us there by mid-day. I think you'll like it alot more. It's a less active space than this part of the woods. Plus, you won’t need to adjust to a new setup and can settle. We’ll arrange the camp however you like best, ok?”

Her tensed limbs relaxed at the thought. “Thanks. That does sound better.”

“It will be. Promise.” The woman finally pulled a blanket over her intoxicating body. “Time for bed, Offee. Your transformation into a happy camper awaits!”

Attempting to match Ahsoka’s enthusiasm with middling success, she declared, “Nature here we come.”

Ahsoka blew out the small torch they were using for spot lighting. A barely visible grin shined in the moonlit darkness. “You’re gonna love it.”

_______

Picking a thorn from her leg, Barriss cursed her weak heart for the thirty-sixth time in the last few hours.

Her only consolation had been watching the Togruta in front of her relish each new sight. Ahsoka’s entire presence lit with earnest zeal at a gigantic hollow tree, a flock of four-winged birds, a patch of nauseously pink mushrooms, a creeper plant that attacked their ankles, and now one of the ugliest creatures Barriss had ever beheld. It was as if a miniature rancor and a scrap rat mated.

Ahsoka clicked her tongue and held out a hand to the tiny beast. “Aren’t you the cutest little bugger? Come on. We won’t hurt you.” It reared back on its hind legs with a guttural growl, which inexplicably translated to Ahsoka as an invitation to move closer. “Look here. I’ve got jerky bits. You know you want some…”

Assessing the barbed teeth, venom sac, and razor-sharp claws, Barriss mentally inventoried which healing supplies would be best to treat the imminent disaster unfolding before her. _I hope she doesn’t lose a finger._ Preserving a severed appendage, until an emergency pickup arrived, would be problematic. _Assuming we could get it back from that thing._ “Ahsoka, I’m not sure it wants you to—”

“Ssh! You’ll scare him away.”

Barriss sighed and awaited the inevitable.

_______

“Stop squirming.”

Ahsoka huffed but held her forearm steady as Barriss applied a bacta patch over the freshly cleaned claw marks. She stuck out her bottom lip. “Everything was going fine, until you stepped on that twig.”

Barriss suppressed a smile. “If you say so.” Loading a dose of antitoxin, she shot it into the woman’s arm. Her fingers massaged the puncture mark, lingering a few seconds longer than strictly necessary. Looking up, she started.

Pensive blue eyes were gazing at her. Then, whatever stray thought had captured Ahsoka’s attention vanished as she flashed a diffident grin. “Well, am I going to live?”

“Depends. Do you plan on befriending any more tiny killers?”

Ahsoka squinted at her. “Fine. We’ll only play with the boring animals from now on.”

Barriss chuckled. “I’ll take it.”

_______

“We made it!” Ahsoka crowed.

As they exited the treeline, Barriss gasped. A pristine lake sat nestled in the center of a large clearing. Shimmering green grass covered the ground like a blanket of tranquility, dotted by clumps of whimsical wildflowers. A light breeze whispered through the surrounding trees, fluttering tufts of hair that had escaped her scarf. Everything radiated a quiet aura of peace. “Oh, Ahsoka. This is incredible.”

The Togruta beamed. “I think so. It’s comforting, stabilizing even.” Her tone turned wistful. “This place is important to me. I haven’t seen it in over two years, though. I was afraid the magic might have been lost, but it hasn’t.”

“Why so long?”

She stared out across the lake. “After the war ended, things changed. Luke and Leia began to take up all of Anakin and Padmé’s free time. Obi-Wan is always on the move mediating disputes, tracking down lost artifacts, or some other random Council mission. Rex got transferred to a command in the outer rim, cleaning up crime syndicates. We hardly see each other now, much less go on a trek into the wild. I didn’t have anyone else to share it with.” Her gaze floated to Barriss. “Except you.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “I’m glad you wanted to share it with me.” This time, Barriss meant every word.

Warm eyes shined back at her and then wandered over the landscape. There was a long silence, before a wisp of a smile touched her lips. “It’s still there.”

Barriss cleared her throat. “What is?”

“Me,” she whispered. “Camping here is when I first truly felt I belonged. Togruta are tribal. There's an ingrained need for connection to people and nature. We don't do well in isolation. Here is where it all came together for me. I realized being a Jedi didn’t have to mean being alone. I was part of the world around me and could also create my own.” She brushed fingertips across a line of wildflowers. “This last year or two it’s felt like I’m losing that world. Everyone is on diverging paths. The war changed my outlook on many things, as well. The Order itself is altering to fit a new reality. I was hoping this trip would help me find a fresh way to bring things together.”

“And has it?”

“Yes, I think so. Standing in the same spot I once found belonging—a place where time has left its mark, yet the essential beauty remains—makes me realize nothing’s been lost. My life may have changed, but that doesn’t change my world. Most of my tribe is elsewhere for the present. However, they’re still with me.” Her voice softened. “And one hasn’t gone anywhere at all. She’s right here.”

Barriss stiffened, throat going dry. “Y-you think of me like that?”

Ahsoka’s forehead wrinkled. “Of course. You’re my best friend and a big part of my life.”

She blinked several times. “Oh.”

“Ok, you’re acting like—” A hint of panic crept into the words. “ _Please_ , tell me you know I care about you.”

Barriss cringed. “Don’t worry, I know you care. I suppose I just didn’t think it was…” Her parched voice became a gravelly croak. “… that much.”

Ahsoka emitted a strangled noise. Closing the space between them in two quick strides, she gripped her cheeks. “Then, I need to do a better job of showing you. Because you're extremely important to me, Barriss. To my world and my happiness. It’s more than—I have alot of people in my life, but there’s only one _you._ ”

Tingling surged from her chest outward as she gazed into swirling blue eyes. “Good.” Taking the hands from her face, she clasped them in her own. “I am honored to be a part of your tribe, Ahsoka Tano.”

A brilliant smile flared into existence. Lifting their joined hands, she tucked them against her chest. “And I am honored you want to be, Barriss Offee.”

_______

“Come on, we’re almost there!”

Barriss sighed. They were climbing a hill the size of a small mountain to watch the sunset over the Habitat. And the majority of it had been littered with far too much nature. When the idea was proposed, Barriss had pictured a grassy incline. Not a forest on stilts.

Following Ahsoka out of the dense underbrush, she released a long breath. The remaining path was clear. There weren’t any vines to get tangled in or trees to pick her way through. And she could see things coming.

Twenty minutes later, they reached the summit. Barriss stretched her sore muscles. “Hold on. I’m thirsty.” Sliding her pack off, she leaned down to unhook her canteen. Noticing a side pocket wasn’t sealed, she frowned and grasped the flap to fix the oversight. That same moment, a wriggling flash of scaly legs scampered across her hand.

She screamed and flung her bag, along with its fiendish hitchhiker, down the hill. Her lungs strained for breath as black spots clouded her vision. Barriss had the vague notion she was still screaming—whether an echo in her mind or real, she didn't know. She scrubbed her tainted hand across her pants over and over again, but the terrible prickly sensation wouldn’t leave her skin.

Someone grabbed her shoulders. “Barriss! It’s alright.” The voice lowered to a soothing whisper. “Hey, listen to me. You’re safe. Everything is fine.”

Fixing on the worried gaze, Barriss sucked in deep breaths. “O-ok. I’m… ok. Wasn’t pre-prepared…” Her senses stabilized, and she flushed. “So stupid. Way overreacted. I just have a—when I was a youngling it—I don’t like lizards. Especially unexpected ones. I’m sorry.”

Ahsoka cupped her face. “Don’t be sorry. Everyone has stuff that scares them. Anyway, you saved that sneaky lizard’s life. He would be toast if you hadn’t thrown him halfway back to camp.” She grinned and circled thumbs over her cheeks. “I’d have taken care of him with extreme prejudice.” The blue eyes blazed with sudden fire. “I won’t let anything hurt you. I promise.”

Her knees wobbled, while warmth flooded her chest. “That’s nice,” Barriss murmured.

She smiled. “Also, true.” Taking her still trembling hand, Ahsoka massaged it. “Now, let’s not rub anymore of your epidermis off. No lizard is worth skin grafts.”

Barriss rasped a laugh as the tension drained from her muscles. The unpleasant prickling calmed under Ahsoka’s touch.

“Oh, you were thirsty, right? I have no idea where your canteen is currently located, so let’s share mine.” She uncapped her own and put it to Barriss’ mouth.

Allowing her friend to deliver the water unaided, she sucked on the spout. Barriss kept her attention fixed over the top on Ahsoka, stomach fluttering.

Soft eyes gazed back at her. “Good. Enough?”

Barely managing a jerk of her head, she swallowed the last bit of cold liquid and hot saliva.

Ahsoka ran gentle fingers around the edges of her lips, wiping away the excess water. “Better?”

“Much,” she breathed.

Taking her hand once more, the woman guided her to a grassy spot near the edge of the summit. Laying out a blanket, Ahsoka nudged her down. She settled beside Barriss and wrapped an arm around her. “There. All set. Since we’ve conquered nature’s challenges, how about we reap its rewards?”

She melted into the embrace, heart singing in beautiful contentment. “About time.”

Ahsoka laughed and pulled her closer as they watched light stream into fading slivers across the magnificent landscape.

_______

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” Ahsoka yelled. “It feels good!”

 _Force above, Tano. I’m starting to suspect you are literally trying to send me into a meltdown._ Barriss retracted her toes from the lake’s edge and rolled her pants legs back down. Leaning back on her palms, she called, “No, I’m fine.”

The Togruta frowned and swam closer. She bobbed in the water, naked breasts peaking its calm surface with each tread. “I thought you’d jump at the chance to clean up. This lake is filtered by the hot spring. So, it doesn’t have any weird microbes or lifeforms, if you’re worried.” Her lips curved up. “Not even tiny killer fish.”

Barriss snorted. “And you still like it? Shocking.”

Ahsoka threw a playful glare back and opened her mouth, when panic hit her face. She flung a finger at something behind Barriss. “Watch out!”

Muscles careening into action mode, she leapt up and twisted around. And saw… nothing. _Wait._ Before she could process her own gullibility, strong arms had her around the waist. Barriss sailed through the air and splashed down in a flailing tumble of limbs. Catapulting herself to the surface, she shrieked, “Ahsoka Tano! I cannot _believe_ you did that.”

Howling laughter rang from her left. “D-did… what?”

Sopping hair, freed from her now missing headscarf, was plastered to her eyes. Not bothering to part it, Barriss launched herself toward the sound. There was a satisfying “Oof!” as she collided into an unprepared body. Grappling with lekku, she dunked a still cackling Ahsoka several times, before the woman managed to escape.

Barriss kicked away from the impending retaliation. There was a tug on her ankle. “Dam—” The expletive cut off in a glug of water pouring into her mouth.

Resorting to a Force push, she sent Ahsoka rocketing and herself up to an air supply. Resurfacing, Barriss spit liquid from her lungs. A small wake crested behind her, and she thrashed toward it.

Palms shot up. “Truce.” Ahsoka sliced through the water and then grasped her sides with both hands. Treading in place, she held her steady. “I’ve got you. Sorry, I overdid it, huh?”

When the water-logged hacking finally ceased, she rasped, “I am going to strangle you. Once I finish choking.”

There was a soft chuckle. “Fair.”

Flipping her hair, Barriss tried to clear her partially obstructed vision. A little smirk formed as she put an extra vigorous shake into the effort. Dripping strands and tiny water pellets whipped across Ahsoka’s face.

“Ack!” She blew air out of her nostrils. “How did you manage to get water up my nose?”

“Me? Nature is unpredictable, you know. Or, perhaps, the Force decided you needed to be taught a lesson.”

“If that’s how the Force works, I’m in serious trouble.” The infamous pout made an appearance. “Come on, admit it. This is way more fun than sitting around watching me.”

She suddenly realized her fingers were curled around Ahsoka’s submerged and very naked waist. Her mind ordered them to release, but instead they seemed to tighten. “Uh, watching you have fun is enjoyable for me.”

“Sounds boringer than a research tutorial from Master Nu. Though, that means I have in fact created perfection. I enjoy myself much more when someone is swimming with me; you have an improved view of said enjoyment. It’s a win-win, Offee. Now, aren’t you glad I took decisive action to make us both happy?”

Given she was currently being held by an Ahsoka of her dreams, Barriss didn't have the heart to argue. “I suppose I’ll let it go this time. However, be warned. I’ve got drenched hair at the ready, if there are any further infractions.”

“Hmm, no promises.” Ahsoka’s gaze picked over her soaked locks as the curious pensive expression surfaced once again. “Do you remember the first time you showed me your hair? That night we were pinned down on Umbara and I got injured?”

Her throat thickened. “Of course. It was—well, I’m not likely to forget.”

“What do you mean?”

She wavered on how much truth to divulge. _I guess you've already made that choice, haven't you?_ “Mirialan modesty stems from a spiritual belief that the body is an external representation of one’s essence. For example, the texture, color, sheen, even style of your hair speaks to who you are. Therefore, it’s a gift that should only be fully shared with those we are closest to, usually family. Revealing your hair to someone is revealing your heart in a sense. So, it isn't something I could forget doing.”

Her eyes bulged. “Woah. It—you never told me that. I mean I knew it was a big deal but didn’t realize—Wait. Is it ok that I’m looking at it now? Do you want me to find your headwrap?”

“It’s always been ok,” Barriss answered quietly. “I want you to see me.” Lightening her tone, she added, “Besides, I’m part of your tribe, remember?”

A smile blossomed. “Yes, you are.” Ahsoka’s attention drifted back to her hair. “Actually, Padawan Tano had a bit of an obsession with Padawan Offee’s mysterious locks. Maybe your people are right, and I wanted to see a piece of you that was hidden.” 

Barriss licked her lips. “Obsession, huh?”

“Oh yeah. It’s crazy how much I loved your hair. Still do, honestly. When I did get an occasional glimpse, I had to exert every ounce of my rather lackluster self-control not to touch it. I’d end up staring like a nerf cut off from its trough, instead. I fully expected you to tell me to knock off the creepy ogling at some point.”

“Erm, didn’t notice.” This entire situation was starting to feel as if she’d fallen into one of her fantasies. Yet, not. Barriss was floating through an idyllic landscape, being held by a disrobed and glistening Ahsoka, who was confessing… what exactly? The admission was delivered in such a casual, unaffected manner. There was no tension behind the words. _I don’t understand. What kind of response does she want from me? Is she testing the waters? Or, is this Ahsoka Tano's version of small talk while a clearly interested woman is gripping your naked body?_ Deciding to straddle the line, she continued, “But I wouldn’t have minded. The staring or… the touching.”

“Really?” Her expression fluctuated. “So, if I wanted to now, would you—would it be ok?”

Barriss’ stomach performed at least five cartwheels. She tried to keep the tremble out of her voice. “Very ok.”

The blue eyes brightened with an eager sparkle. Lifting a hand, she brushed strands off her shoulders. Then, Ahsoka’s fingers danced up a messy lock to the top of her head. They weaved through the damp tresses, tips rubbing along her scalp. She sighed. “Amazing.”

Nerves fired off in erratic bursts. The intimacy coming from anyone else would have clear meaning. From Ahsoka, it simply made Barriss’ brain feel as slushy as her clothes. Of course, that didn’t keep her body from spinning into anarchy. She exhaled a shaky breath. “It feels amazing.”

“Another win-win. I’m on a roll.” She hummed and smoothed tangles from the ends. “Barriss, are you still seeing Ciayn? You haven’t mentioned doing anything with her lately.”

She started. “No, that ended two months ago.”

The fingers in her hair spasmed mid-stroke. “Seriously?! You didn’t tell me in all that time?”

Barriss winced. “Sorry. I suppose it never came up. Anyway, there wasn’t anything dramatic to tell. Things just didn’t work out.”

Her right cheek twitched. “Any particular reason?”

 _Blast._ “Guess, we weren’t compatible. You know how these things are. Like with you and Lux, right?”

Ahsoka looked away. “Yes, but that wasn’t—it doesn’t really count, I don’t think.”

“Why not?”

There was an odd hesitation. “We were both very young. Neither one of us understood who we were. I wasn’t even allowed to have a relationship back then. It felt like an adventure, not something real.”

“Well, has there been anyone else?” _Why am I risking an answer?_

“No, I don’t—” Ahsoka chewed her lip, eyes darting around the lake. “Barriss, there’s something I want to tell you. The only people that know are Anakin and Padmé, because they helped me work through some of it. I’ve always wanted to talk to you as well, but I was scared of—Actually, I was hoping this trip would be a good opportunity.” She took a deep breath. “I think I need you to know, whatever the outcome. Can I say it now?”

Her pulse quickened. “Absolutely. I want to hear about anything important to you.”

Ahsoka focused on the water rings rippling off her slow tread. “That time with Lux highlighted an aspect of myself I hadn’t quite understood. It took awhile to come to terms with the fact that it’s part of who I am. See, I don’t feel—I’m not interested in other people like—I don’t want certain things.” Her eyes lifted to Barriss. “Specifically, sexual things.”

“Oh.” There it was. The missing piece that explained everything. The final stake through her heart. _She’ll never want me. Of course not, Offee. You already knew this._ Suspicion and confirmation were two very different things apparently, because her rib cage began to crush her lungs. _Face reality and be what you’re supposed to be. What you’ve always been. What you always will be. Her… friend._ Barriss produced a bright smile that ground discordant shards of pain into her breaking heart. “I see. Makes sense. Thanks for telling me.” The response was terribly inadequate, but she couldn’t find the words for more.

An anxious gaze searched hers. “What do you really think?”

She shifted attention to the shoreline, fighting to quell her shattering emotions. “Exactly what I said. It’s fine. You are who you are.” Realizing she was still clinging to Ahsoka’s waist, Barriss yanked her hands away. The intimate grip probably made her friend uncomfortable. “It’s not important, right?”

Ahsoka didn’t let go of her, however. In fact, her hold tightened. “It kinda is. Because I can’t totally satisfy a person I want; at least, not in that way.”

Her head flipped back to Ahsoka and then began ringing. “What? I thought you said you didn’t want anyone?”

“No!” she cried, voice pitching high and fast. “I said I wasn’t interested in sex. That doesn’t mean I can’t or don’t love. Please, Barriss, I really need you to understand that. I do want to be with—with someone.”

She tried to cut through the noise addling her mind. “You’re saying you would like to have a romantic relationship but not the sexual parts of it? Isn’t that a friendship?”

Ahsoka’s breathing rapidly increased. “No. I mean yes; we’d be friends too.” Her fingers dug into Barriss’ waist. “A romantic relationship consists of more than sex, right? It’s commitment, emotional connection, shared experiences, mutual support, lots of stuff.”

Her brain felt like it was spinning in a cocoon. “But a deep friendship can include those things. If you don’t feel attracted to the person, why would you bother with the romantic aspect? If there’s no physical intimacy, I’m not seeing the difference.”

“Only the sexual piece is an issue. Some physical touching, I do want.” She groaned. “I’m terrible at explaining this.” Ahsoka screwed up her face. “Ok. It’s not that I’m not attracted. It’s _how_ I’m attracted. You can be attracted to people emotionally, intellectually, or even physically in a non-sexual way, yeah?”

“Alright,” Barriss replied slowly, “what makes those sorts of attractions romantic and not platonic?”

Her teeth ground together. “I don’t know. Guess it depends. Do you find everyone attractive in the same ways? I suppose there may be some kind of romantic attraction that's not sexual? Or, maybe it actually is a type of intimate friendship. I really don’t care what it’s called. It just _is._ The bond you share, the feelings they evoke, even the way you want to touch them is unlike other relationships. I mean you’re basically asking me to explain being in love. I can’t do that. It’s an undefinable… more.”

Barriss seized on a single word. _More._

“There’s something extra or specific in the mix that makes you want them differently than other people you love.” Desperation began to edge into Ahsoka’s expression. “I’m essentially the same as you. It’s only, for me, there’s a line between physical closeness and sexual acts. One I enjoy very much. The other not at all. That doesn’t mean I don’t love who I love.”

“Ok…” Barriss attempted to sort through the jumble of ideas amid a piercing throb in her temples. “Sorry, it’s a bit fuzzy. I suppose I’ve never parsed things this way.” She forced lightness into her tone. “You’re the important one, though. And it sounds like you’ve got it figured out.”

Ahsoka slumped, hands falling away from Barriss. She reached up to hug her own shoulders. “Right. Why would it matter to you, huh?” Her chin sank with a barely audible mumble. “A losing hand, Tano. Always was.”

 _Dammit, Offee, you’ve messed this up. She obviously needs you to get it. Nothing’s really changed. You still love her. Act like it._ Cupping the miserable face, she pulled it up to hers. “Hey, I didn’t say it doesn’t matter. I only said I was confused but glad you weren’t. Don’t give up on me that easily. Keep going. Help me understand.”

She licked her lips. “You… really want that?”

“Yes.” Barriss smiled softly. “I want to see you. _All_ of you.”

A shaft of light filtered behind the swirling blue. “That’s nice.”

_______

The women floated around the lake in animated discussion, until fatigued muscles drove them to shore. They continued talking as they laid drying on the bank, drifting from topic to topic. Their voices didn't cease while Ahsoka got dressed, and Barriss avoided the tempting sight by detangling her hair. Nor did the conversation miss a beat when the evening chill resulted in wrapping themselves in a blanket on the grass. They maintained a mumbling dialogue through chews of their ration bars as the sun vanished from view. The words didn’t stop even when all four moons reached an apex in the night sky. As dawn broke over the horizon, however, sleepy pauses began intruding on their intimate bubble.

Curled up in the dew-laden grass, head resting on Ahsoka’s shoulder, Barriss commanded her eyelids to stay open. But they drooped in maddening insubordination. “S-sorry, missed… last thing ‘bout your third trial.”

Her makeshift pillow shifted. “That’s because it’s way past our bedtime.” Then, strong arms scooped Barriss up and carried her to their shelter.

“Silly,” she drawled, “am wide… wake.”

“Uh huh.” There was a loud yawn in her ear as Ahsoka tucked a blanket around her. “Ok, sleep tight. We’ll save the chat about you losing my favorite boot for when we’re less delirious.”

“Didn’t lose,” she muttered. “Told you. Battle droids took.”

“Riiight, I forgot. _Of course,_ they did.” Gentle fingers stroked her face. “Low down, dirty clankers. Always stealing people’s left boots.” There was a wistful sigh and then the comforting touch vanished.

 _No._ Lifting a groggy head, she forced her eyes open. Ahsoka was shuffling toward her bedroll on the opposite side of their space. “Wait,” Barriss pleaded, “I don’t want you to go.”

The woman stiffened and then slowly turned back to her. She swallowed several times in rapid succession, right cheek twitching. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

Relaxing at the response, Barriss let her eyes shutter once more. Reaching blindly, she found Ahsoka’s hand and held on. “Forever, please.”

Fingers seized in her grip and then relaxed. They interweaved with her own as a warm body laid shoulder to shoulder beside her. Ahsoka placed their joined hands on her stomach and whispered, “Forever sounds good.”

As sleep finally claimed her, Barriss smiled.

_______

Over the next few days, they did so many activities Barriss couldn’t remember them all. It was moments that burned into her memory.

The proud delight on Ahsoka’s face when Barriss caught her first fish. Immediately replaced by a hanging jaw when Barriss—upon being informed she’d have to unhook and gut her wriggling prize—threw her entire rod into the river.

Ahsoka’s devastation, when the crying fawn they’d freed from a mass of tangled thorn bushes was too injured to walk. Her grateful adoration after Barriss finished treating the wound and the creature pranced into the forest. The unbridled joy as they followed and saw the animal find its mother.

The adorable frustration when Ahsoka’s attempts at chargrilling fish, using only stripped twigs for cooking implements, ended in multiple scorched disasters and one flaming blanket. Their silly grins as they chewed ration bars for the second meal in a row. The Togruta’s wild victory dance when attempt number three came out unscathed and edible. Her heart’s unfettered happiness as Ahsoka picked up a laughing Barriss to spin her around.

The evening of her first promised monsoon as they huddled in their shelter, exchanging stories of the worst weather they’d ever seen. The flustered panic, when howling wind blew a section of siding off their safe haven. The spectacle of both of them clumsily patching it amidst gusts of drenching rain. Ahsoka’s flailing trip into a mudhole that had taken Barriss down with her. Their caked and shivering bodies pressed together under a blanket to wait out the storm. The childish giggling after a clump of mud slid off a lek onto Barriss’ forehead. Ahsoka’s tender touch as her fingers cleaned the bespattered skin.

However, the best moments for Barriss were always at night. The women would settle into their shelter, blankets superfluous in the warm evening breeze, and talk until they drifted off. The closeness of Ahsoka made sleeping in nature no longer disquieting. The awkwardness of their mutual state of undress faded. After a couple of days, Barriss only noticed it during an occasional stretch from Ahsoka. Even then, she found pushing the distraction aside to focus on their conversation came easily. The comfortable intimacy was unlike anything she'd ever had. The desire to return to it overrode any physical ones. It was warmth, safety, and happiness.

On day six Barriss accepted a truth she’d thought impossible. Barriss Offee _loved_ camping.

Well, she loved camping with Ahsoka.

_______

Barriss gazed at the woman stretched out on the bedroll beside her. “It’s your turn to pick our topic tonight. Let’s see if you can top your previous conversational bar of underwear styles, shall we?”

Ahsoka flipped onto her side, so they were facing each other. “Hmph. Prepare yourself to be dazzled, Offee.”

“Mhmm. Still waiting.”

Her eyes shot a small glare back, before roaming around their shelter. They returned to Barriss with an odd flicker. “Have you ever been in love?”

She stiffened. “I…”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine!” Ahsoka squeaked something resembling a laugh, before rushing on, “It’s just we’ve discussed types of love, principles of attraction, my confusing journey—more stuff than I can remember on the subject to be honest. But we didn’t really get into your experience. I thought that might be, erm, interesting or something. Stupid, huh? Don’t worry. I’ll think of something else.”

Focusing on her blanket, Barriss rubbed her wrist. _No more waiting._ Her stomach fluttered and then hardened. Taking a deep breath, she swept her gaze up to Ahsoka. “It’s not stupid. And the answer is yes. Ask me what you want to know.”

The pensive expression that no longer confused Barriss made a forceful return. Ahsoka wet her lips and then opened her mouth. Nothing came out for a long moment, until she blurted, “Right, so what about being in love made you most happy?”

“How she puts me first,” Barriss replied softly. “The feelings only she can evoke. Her ability to understand me and always make things better. She fills a space no one else does in my life. It’s completing.”

Ahsoka’s breath hitched. “That’s… good.” She clenched fingers around her pillow. “And what about the sexual part? Where does it fit?” The familiar twitch spasmed in her right cheek. “Like, do you think you could, um, love somebody without—is that piece important to your happiness?”

Barriss stared into the air and considered the dilemma for the fiftieth time in the last few days. “It is something I’d like, yes. But is it something I need to be happy with the person I love?” She tapped a finger against her thigh, trying to imagine what the restriction would feel like if Ahsoka was truly hers. Would it make them both dissatisfied over time? Conceptualizing the dynamics remained challenging for her mind to wrap itself around. It would be different than she’d envisioned a week ago, yet… _She’d still be mine. We could draw our own picture together._ Perhaps, the only question Barriss needed to decide at the moment was whether this particular desire was too critical to compromise on.

Her love for Ahsoka certainly wasn’t dependent on the promise of sexual intimacy. Though, she couldn’t deny the yearning existed. Not being able to act on it was disappointing but not devastating. _No one gets everything they want in any relationship. If you love someone, you love all of them._ Also, the idea of creating their own type of intimacy, something unique that no one else could understand, had a singular appeal. _What if the rest of your life could be like the last few days? Would that be all you needed?_ Returning her attention to Ahsoka, she smiled. “Is it necessary? I think… no.”

Ahsoka froze for a split second and then her entire body began to jitter. “And, if s-someone said they l-l-loved you so much it hurt, that it’s been that way since you were both Padawans, and the dream of having you—despite not being able to give you everything you want—haunts their entire existence… would it be enough?”

Her heart catapulted from an erratic quiver to slamming against her ribs. Every beat echoed in her ears. Attempting to corral her senses, Barriss dug nails into shaking palms. Her constricting chest could only manage a throaty rasp as she replied, “I suppose it would depend on who the someone was. I’ve only ever loved one person. Is it her?”

Trembling fingers lifted and brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “I hope it is. Because I love you, Barriss. I’ve loved you so long, I can’t remember when it started. I want to hold you, be the person you depend on most, see everything you are. I’ve tried to make it stop. Be the best friend I could instead. And I don’t want to lose what we have now. I just need you to belong to me, like I belong to you. You make my heart complete.” Desperation suffused her eyes as she pleaded, “I know you could get more from someone not like me. But I think I can still make you happy. I’ll give you everything of me I can to do that. _Please,_ let me try.”

Emotions that had defied every attempt to beat them into subjugation screamed cries of frenzied victory as they burst free into the light. Barriss sucked air into her burning chest as tears seared up from her soul and blazed down her face.

Ahsoka flinched. “Are you ok?” Her voice pitched unnaturally high. “Should I not have said anything? Did I upset you?”

“N-no! Give… second.” Barriss worked to calm the chaos. Regaining minimal control, she wiped her cheeks with a frustrated groan. “Sorry, I apparently can’t handle confessions of love without breaking down.”

The woman released a huge exhale. Then, a tentative grin crept up. “All part of the experience.”

Barriss choked out a laugh. “I think I like camping after all.”

“See? Told you that you’d love it.”

“Actually, _I_ told _you_ everything would be fine.” She added airily, “I have long adjustment periods is all.”

There was a light snort. “Noted.” The lines of her face tightened. Raising a hand, Ahsoka jerkily dried her damp skin. “So, uh, is that a yes on giving me a chance to try and make you happy?”

Her head spun in unreality, while her heart—oh, her heart. A smile Barriss couldn’t contain if she tried commandeered her face. “It’s a yes to _you_ , Ahsoka Tano. You already make me happy. You always have. I don’t need more than that, because you _are_ more.”

Ahsoka blinked rapidly and then squeezed her eyes shut. She went completely still, before gasping a wheezing breath. When her eyes finally opened, tears fell out of them. “Stay with me forever, please.”

Taking Ahsoka’s hand, she pressed the knuckles to her mouth. Barriss soaked in the blissful moment—the feel of roughened skin beneath her lips, the swirling blue gazing back at her, the soft warmth radiating from their connection. “Forever sounds good,” she whispered.

The once pensive eyes transformed into shining orbs of pure light. Ahsoka pulled Barriss into her arms and nuzzled into her hair. She let out a sigh that seemed to carry away the last weight between them. “That’s nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, that's nice. 🖤
> 
> If you would like to read the other path, simply click the 'next chapter' button. Assuming you do, I'd love to know which was your favorite. It's difficult for me to judge if one turned out better. If you adore my babies equally, I'd love to know that too! Let's be honest. I would camp in the woods with spotty wifi & no tent for at least, um, a day to get feedback on either version.  
> _____  
> While some themes contained here have a basis in reality, these are characters in a fictional romance, in a fantasy setting, in a format that is meant to entertain. Liberties are taken, tropes are prevalent, and behaviors are less nuanced. It's a story for fun, not a documentary. Still, just in case...  
> 1\. Ahsoka has a individual personality & background that makes her who she is. Being asexual doesn't necessarily make one oblivious to a) romantic/sexual interest from others and/or b) how one's words & actions may be interpreted suggestively by others.  
> 2\. All we have here is Barriss' POV, so we can only guess at what Ahsoka understands. She may be employing her supposed obliviousness for effect, completely clueless, or it could be situation-specific. Perhaps, she believes she's making her feelings clear to Barriss, just as Barriss believes she is doing with Ahsoka. The interpretation is yours. And I'd love to hear your thoughts!  
> 3\. Aces don't run around naked with no qualms simply due to being on the spectrum. See #1.  
> 4\. The discussion between Barriss & Ahsoka on love & sex is a mere exploration, not a definitive statement. In the same vein, Barriss' final decision & thought process is exactly that. Hers.


	3. Path #2: Undefined Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barriss grapples with wanting something she can’t have.  
> Ahsoka grapples with understanding herself and what she wants.

Barriss stuffed hands under her armpits and shifted to a different, but no more comfortable, position on the knotty log. _What were you thinking, Offee?_

It had taken four hours and twelve minutes of hiking and slashing through arduous terrain, before Ahsoka would let them stop to make camp. Her skin felt slimy. Her stomach was eating into her spine. Whatever contaminants this ‘fresh’ air contained; it was making her nose run. And a pulsating throb had commandeered her temples. Now, in nature’s final comeuppance, a chilly breeze was turning her sweat-soaked robes into an icy prison.

 _Well, at least no lizards have fallen on your head. Yet._ Pulse quickening, she scanned the surrounding trees for any sign of creepy reptilian movement.

Her rising paranoia was mercifully cut short by a muttered curse. Ahsoka glowered death at the stick she was frantically rolling between her palms.

Not very successfully preventing annoyance from seeping into her tone, Barriss said, “Why don't we use the Force to—”

“No! I can do this! We’re being one with nature. Exploring the world from a different angle. Living harmoniously in our environment. Lighting a fire by using only the tools around you is part of the experience. Just give me a minute.”

She stared. “Where did you get all of this?”

“Master Obi-Wan. He says camping reminds us of how insignificant we are, why nature should be respected, and how much life there is beyond our small bubble of reality. It lets you see truths you never would have recognized otherwise. Anakin cheats a bit when we go on our own. But I want us to do things properly.”

“By all means,” she replied dryly. “We certainly don’t want to miss out on hidden truth.”

Ahsoka shot a pair of squinty eyes at her. “You’ll see, Offee.” Then, she spun her stick with renewed vigor.

Her annoyance couldn’t prevail against the adorably determined face. Smile playing along her lips, she admired the graceful shoulders, strong jawline, and elegant lekku. _So beautiful._ How long had she loved Ahsoka? Perhaps, it first began in that tank on Geonosis. What had started as youthful yearning had morphed into something much deeper, though. It was a feeling that only grew stronger as the years went by. Yet, here she sat in eternal limbo.

The Order didn’t prohibit romantic liaisons. Though, embarking on a committed relationship was forbidden, until one achieved a significant level of mastery and experience. Barriss had been awarded that privilege a year ago. Ahsoka’s matching dispensation came close on her heels. Since then, her thoughts had revolved around the possibilities. Rather, one possibility. Unfortunately, it was an impossibility.

Her friend certainly had a varied romantic history in some respects. There had been a three-week relationship with one of her former soldiers, which by Ahsoka standards qualified as long-term. Soon followed by a much more fleeting one with a fellow Togruta knight. Then, an even shorter dalliance involving a Nautolan Temple mechanic. More recently, a Corellian cargo pilot. Probably a few more inbetween. Ahsoka’s romantic interests had always come and gone quickly; however, every instance had a single thing in common. They were all men.

What others found attractive wasn’t something Barriss dwelled upon. She liked what she liked. Other people liked what they liked. She’d learned long ago it didn’t require more definition than that. Still, the evidence suggested Ahsoka didn’t like what she did.

Barriss had only given serious attention to such a relationship twice herself. Once with an exquisite diplomat she’d met during a mission on Naboo, which had been an abbreviated disaster. She’d soon realized physical attraction didn’t translate into long-term satisfaction or really short-term compatibility. The more meaningful effort came with another knight. A Togruta, whose humor and vivacity had appealed to Barriss. She’d enjoyed their time together, even found her own inability to love the woman saddening. Kalla had deserved better than being a way for Barriss to pretend she hadn’t already committed her heart to someone who didn’t want it.

She’d finally been forced to face the truth. The only person Barriss Offee wanted was Ahsoka Tano. And she would never have her. She knew it, even accepted it. That didn't make any difference to her reality, unfortunately. No matter what she did to tell it otherwise, her heart just wouldn’t let go.

There was an excited exclamation as a spark ignited. Ahsoka blew feverish breaths, trying to coax the flickering flame into something substantial. But it was a losing battle, and the sliver of hope petered out. Giving a frustrated cry, she flung her blackened stick across the campsite. “I don’t understand! Obi-Wan and Rex always made this look easy.”

Barriss left her log to crouch next to the woman. “Hey, it’s ok. You’ll get it.”

Uncertain eyes looked back at her. “Think so?”

“Yes. Ahsoka Tano can do anything.”

Her lips edged into a diffident grin. “Thanks.”

Barriss shivered, whether from Ahsoka’s nearness or the chill reaching her bones she didn’t know.

Her friend frowned and touched her hand. “You’re freezing.” Jumping up, the woman rummaged through her pack and returned with a blanket. Wrapping it around Barriss, she mumbled, “I’m sorry. I know this hasn’t been much fun so far. I promise it’ll get better.”

Warmth spread inside and out as Ahsoka vigorously massaged her arms. “Being with you is always fun,” she replied quietly.

Ahsoka smiled. “That’s nice.” She picked up another stick. “Ok, let’s get you on the road to happy camping.”

Barriss sunk back onto her log, eyes never leaving Ahsoka. When the kindling finally flared to life, the Togruta whooped and spun to her with an expression of wild glee.

Her stomach lurched. _I want you so much._

_______

Barriss swallowed the last bite of her ration bar and slowly looked up. “Ahsoka, I think it’s going to—” A glob of water smacked her eye. “Oh no.”

Her friend glanced at the murky clouds and then at the lean-to she’d just begun building. “Ugh, I hate when it rains before I’m done. It makes the wood slick.” She dove into one of her bags and pulled out a hooded, pullover jacket that appeared to be made of some kind of waterproofed fabric. “Is yours in your pack? I’ll get it for you.”

“Um, I don’t have…” Raindrops began pinging off her shoulders.

Her jaw dropped. “You didn’t bring anything for the rain?!”

She bristled. “I thought we’d be in a tent like normal people! Even soldiers on the front have tents.” Barriss could feel her silk headscarf getting damp and ripped it off. Stuffing it into her robe pocket, she huffed, “I didn’t know you were planning to go all Jedi Naturemaster on me!”

Ahsoka scowled. “What difference would a tent make? What about when we’re on the move? Did you think we’d stop hiking and hole up everytime it so much as drizzled? Come on!”

Heat flushed her neck. _Yes._ Stalking to a huge tree, she scrunched under it as water trailed down her face. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll be fine.”

The quiet pattering of rainfall filled the air between them. Then, Ahsoka crossed the clearing and knelt in front of her. “I’m sorry. I should have made sure you were prepared. Especially since I cajoled you into coming last minute.” Shaking out her jacket, the woman put it over Barriss’ head.

Watching teardrops of water splatter the diamond tattoos on the back of her hand, she mumbled, “Don’t. You need it more. You’re working in wet conditions.”

“Nope.” Ahsoka tugged the garment down the rest of the way. “My clothes are designed for this weather. Besides, I’m Togruta. Untamed nature is in our blood. Monsoons, sunny skies, or everything inbetween—it’s all beautiful to me.”

A small grin crept up. “Good thing I have you, then.”

“Finally, recognition!” She fidgeted with the elastic waistband of the jacket. “I really am sorry. I didn’t realize you’d never been camping without any trappings of civilization before.”

Barriss grimaced and slid her arms through the sleeves. “It’s not your fault. I’m probably the most un-naturey Jedi in the history of Jedi. I usually avoid it altogether. The only time I’ve stayed in this type of environment for more than a night was during the war. And there was typically a nearby encampment or supply ship with everything I needed. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I wasn’t.” _You were too busy winding yourself into a panic instead._

“Hey, it’s not the end of the world.” Ahsoka swept sticky hair off her forehead and then lifted the hood over it. “Learning on the fly is all part of the experience.”

She groaned. “You are relentless.”

“Yep.” The woman twisted fingers over her face, wiping drips of water away. “Not to worry. I plan to teach you everything you need to know. We’ll have you at full naturemaster levels in no time.”

Her stomach fluttered in rhythm with each brush of skin. “Lucky me.”

“I know, right?” Finishing its work, her hand came to rest on Barriss’ cheek, thumb ever so slightly circling it. “Better?”

A dizzying sensation of falling into the magnetic gaze afflicted her senses. She barely managed to deliver a breathy, “Much.”

Ahsoka’s eyes clouded, a small crease forming between them.

 _Too far. Snap out of it._ Barriss coughed. “I—erm, thank you for the jacket.”

Giving her lekku a quick shake, Ahsoka sent specks of water flying. “No thanks needed. Sharing is also part of the experience.” She winked. “Now, did you bring outerwear that isn’t your currently soggy Jedi robes?”

“Uh, does another set of robes count?”

“My, my, my…” Ahsoka tsked. “Alright, first things first. Let me get a roof over our heads. After that, we’ll deal with your clothing situation.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “On with it then, Naturemaster. I’m not getting any drier here.”

“So demanding.” Jumping up, she made a sweeping bow. “Ahsoka Tano is at your service, Lady Offee.” Her grin took on cosmic levels of brightness. “You’re gonna love camping.”

Her lips curled into a challenging smirk. “Prove it.”

_______

“Rejoice!” Ahsoka proclaimed. “Our little cloudburst has passed, we have a place of refuge, and your first night in the wilds of nature has fallen. Are you ready for your next lesson, my soon to love camping apprentice?”

Laying her robes by the freshly relit fire to dry, Barriss threaded fingers through her stringy hair. “Please, oh great master of happy camping, regale me with your wisdom.”

“Hmph. I’m sensing an appalling lack of enthusiasm. However, I shall overlook the transgression. This time.” She raced to one of her bags. Digging through the contents, Ahsoka tossed random garments aside. “Yes!” She shook out a pair of scarlet pants and a matching pullover that resembled the forest green ones she was sporting. An outfit Barriss found distractingly curve-hugging. “Here, try these. I’m a bit bigger than you in the chest, so the top might be loose.”

Pushing aside her silly excitement about Ahsoka comparing their chest sizes, Barriss took the offered gift. “Thanks.”

“Actually, this probably worked out better. You wouldn’t have had anything this specialized to bring. The lightweight fabric is treated to wick moisture, resist tearing, and repel insects. Plus, it’s easy to wash in the river and dries quickly. Though, the top has half-sleeves. You may want to add your outer robe, when it gets chilly or we’re hacking through thorny spots.”

“Don’t you need them?”

“Nope. I always bring a spare set. If something unexpected happens, we’ll fall back on the less spiffy options in my bag. Besides, I really do want you to have fun. That’s alot easier when you don’t feel like a walking sponge of grime. Honestly,” she added with a playful gleam, “I’d give you what I was wearing and hike naked if necessary.”

Her fingers spasmed around the clothing. _She probably would._ Ahsoka and modesty weren’t exactly synonymous. In fact, to Barriss’ horror and delight, they were often closer to sworn enemies. Still, tantalizing cleavage and a skimpy skirt were a far cry from a Togruta hacking through bushes with sweat glistening off her bare skin. _I’d die happy, I suppose._ “Well, that would make for an… interesting experience.”

She wiggled her eyebrows. “That’s the idea.”

Mouth thickening, Barriss returned to the main topic. “So, I was going to sleep in my robes. Should I change into these or get my extra set?”

“Huh?” Ahsoka’s ridiculously cute nose wrinkled. “Why do either? Just strip down and sleep in your underclothes.”

She stiffened. “W-what?”

“It’s more comfortable. Plus, the repellant spray will protect your skin from insects and small animals better than fabric. It’ll also spare your limited wardrobe some wear.” Her gaze dipped to the sleeveless tunic and opaque tights Barriss had been wearing beneath her now removed robes.

For a moment, she could have sworn it lingered on her thighs. _Wonderful. You’ve moved from anxious to delusional. Pull yourself together, Offee._

“You’ll have a blanket if the temp drops,” Ahsoka continued in a matter-of-fact tone. “That’s how I sleep.”

Her muscles seized up. _Oh no. No, no, no, no…_

Ahsoka probed her eyes. “Are you alright? Please tell me, so I can make it better.”

She rasped a laugh. _I wish you could._ “Well, if you must know, I’m a little concerned about the amount of thatching on that roof of yours. Rain dripping on my head all night will certainly impact my fun rating.”

“Ack! Such a demanding apprentice.” Ahsoka cracked her knuckles with a cheeky grin. “Not to worry, Lady Offee. I shall ensure you are completely protected from any and all rogue raindrops.” She hopped away to the lean-to and began reinforcing its canopy of palm leaves.

Barriss blew shallow exhales from a burning chest. She wasn’t sure which was worse—a practically naked Ahsoka sleeping beside her or the woman being so blasé about it. The first meant nights of stretching her overwrought emotions to a breaking point. The second meant nights of unbridled misery, knowing Ahsoka didn’t have the same problem. _Oh, why did I come?_

_______

Barriss settled on her padded bedroll and pulled the blanket up to her neck. Exhaling a few times, she calmed her mind. _It’s not like you haven’t seen Ahsoka in a multitude of revealing outfits. This won’t be that different. For all you know, she’ll be wearing a baggy undertunic. You’re being ridiculous._ Some tension drained from her muscles. _Good. I can handle this._

Ahsoka flounced into their tiny shelter, and Barriss stopped breathing. _Erghmholygah!_

Her underclothing—assuming it warranted the designation—hugged her body so tightly it might as well not exist. As if the woman objected to the entire idea of such attire and had chosen whatever version would result in the least amount of it. Tapered underwear didn’t even touch the top of her thighs and only minimally concealed what it was intended to cover. The paltry fabric edged halfway down her backside as she hopped onto the bedroll. Toned abdomen muscles flexed on the landing. Adding fuel to the inferno blazing through Barriss’ body, Ahsoka proceeded to crawl around arranging her blanket; plump breasts jiggled in their narrow elastic strip of fabric. Barriss became both panicked and enthralled at the thought of one popping out.

Jerking burning eyes to the slanted roof, she ground her teeth. _Focus! Barriss Offee doesn’t hyperventilate from seeing a nearly naked body. Even if it is an amazing one. Force, sooo amazing. Argh, quit it!_

A hand nudged her arm. “Hey, what did you decide to wear? I didn’t see you change, and you’re wrapped up like a bantha herder.”

 _Control!_ She slowly turned her head to see a still exposed Ahsoka laying on her side, head propped on a fist. Barriss licked her lips. “I, um, took your suggestion.”

“Really? Great! I think you’ll be more comfortable.” Ahsoka seemed to evaluate her for a few seconds, before flashing a perky grin. “Tell me, what kind of underclothing meets Barriss Offee standards? I’ve always wondered.”

Her eyes bulged. “Y-you have?”

“Absolutely! Major life question.”

She assessed the woman but couldn't tell if the inquiry had an ulterior purpose. _Don't be stupid. You know better._ Her heart withered. “Nothing exciting. Pretty standard, I would assume.”

“What qualifies as standard for women? Is mine normal?” Ahsoka looked down at herself.

Tugging hands through her hair, she snapped, “Sure, why not. Because, I’m an expert on evaluating other people’s intimate apparel.”

Ahsoka flinched. “S-sorry! It was—forget I said that. Please, don’t be upset.”

Wincing, Barriss rolled to face her. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get snippy. Guess I’m more tired than I thought.”

She bit her lip. “It’s only that you seem a bit anxious, so I was trying to think of something silly to lighten your mood. Instead, I managed the opposite. That happens to me alot with women but not usually you. My head is all over the place today or something.”

Her eyebrows drew together. “With women?”

“Yeah. I’ve lived most of my life with, well, not women. Like my soldiers, my master, and his master were men. Even my youngling clan consisted of six boys of varying species, a non-ident Bith, a multi-gendered Chalhuddan, and me.”

Considering for a moment, Barriss couldn’t recall Ahsoka ever spending extensive time with another woman. Riyo Chuchi, perhaps. Still, they rarely saw each other. There were a couple of sparring partners. But, as far as she knew, they didn’t get together outside of the ring. _Huh._ “Aren't there any women you’re close to?”

“Just you and Padmé. And she’s less a friend and more a… ok, I have no idea what to call her. She’s my master’s wife, so our relationship is different. Not like you and me, I mean.”

“Is there a reason why there’s no one else?” Barriss asked, interest piqued by this revelation she’d somehow never noticed.

Ahsoka shrugged. “Guess that’s how things worked out. Really, regardless of gender, I wouldn’t say I’m…” She tapped her chin. “I have a decent amount of what you’d term friends. People I enjoy talking to and care about in a general way. But most of them aren’t—I don’t know—deep?”

“As in friends you feel emotionally connected to, who really understand you?” Barriss suggested. “That you could share most anything with?”

“Yeah, exactly. For whatever reason, finding that with a woman is near impossible for me. It probably doesn’t help that I get a little nervy around most of them in extended conversations. It’s obviously all in my head, because it crosses species. My brain evidently thinks a Twi’lek woman means I should stumble over my words the same as a human one, when they have completely different cultures. Saying the wrong thing to girls has always been my special talent. Like bringing up underwear styles is probably not on the list of appropriate conversational topics, huh?”

Barriss snorted. “Not a conventional one, no. Are you implying it is a subject you regularly discuss with non-women?”

Ahsoka grimaced. “Well, not as such. It wouldn’t be unusual to tease someone about their choice, though.”

“Interesting. I can’t say I’ve ever discussed it with anyone, actually.”

The woman groaned. “Tano strikes again.” She gave Barriss a tentative grin. “Point is, you’re kind of a rare thing in my life. It’s a miracle of the Force I haven’t managed to send you screaming for the hills. I suppose when you barely survive death multiple times in two days with someone, you can’t _not_ be friends with them.”

She chuckled. “Probably true. Still, I feel special.”

“You should,” Ahsoka stated intently. “Because you definitely are.”

Her stomach fluttered. “Thanks.” Wiping clammy palms on her blanket, she folded the suddenly stifling cover down to mid-chest. “What makes you think you can’t find more women like me, anyway? I’m sure there are plenty who wouldn’t blink at whatever you believe amounts to ‘saying the wrong thing’.”

“I can see you’ve missed my point.” Her eyes gleamed. “There is no other woman like you. Got it?”

Barriss rubbed her throat with an awkward laugh. “Right. Got it. Now, stop deflecting and answer my question, Naturemaster.”

She glared. “I already told you connecting with women is hard for me. Even when I want to, it doesn’t work. Except for…” Ahsoka massaged her wrist for a few seconds and then exhaled. “The only other girl friend I’ve had—at least the way we’re talking about—was as a youngling. Leiliya was an older initiate in my Form III saber class, who had amazing technique. She helped me alot during our lessons. Despite our two-year age gap, we became really close.” She scrubbed hands over her face. “Until, I messed it up.”

Hesitating briefly, Barriss prodded, “Messed it up how?”

Her gaze dropped to the sliver of dirt separating their bedrolls. “When I became a Padawan, I was thrilled. I couldn’t wait to leave the Temple, fight seppies, and have adventures. Then, I had to hang around nearly a week for orders and a transport to take me to Anakin. It drove me crazy. Lei acted happy for me at first and kept me company. After a few days, though, she got moody and started avoiding me. I wasn’t sure if I’d done something wrong or what. Eventually, I confronted her about it.” She picked at a corner of her blanket. “Things didn’t go well.”

A knot formed in the pit of her stomach. There were limited explanations for such behavior, and Barriss was intimately familiar with the most likely one. She cringed at the mental image of an enthusiastic Ahsoka whining about having to be there, while a miserable Leiliya tried to cope with losing her. “What happened?”

Curling up, she hugged knees to her chest. “My clanmates thought she was upset that I had been promoted before her. Which kinda made sense. Growing up, everything was a competition in our clan. So, I told her to stop moping and get over it. She’d have her chance soon. Lei lost it and said I didn’t understand anything. That I should go fight my stupid war, because I clearly didn’t care about anything else; she was done with it all.” Her voice cracked. “It hurt. We ended up saying horrible things to each other, before I stormed off. I shipped out the next morning.”

 _Oh, Ahsoka. Do you even understand now?_ “I’m sorry. Still, it didn’t happen because you said the wrong thing.” _More she didn’t confess the actual thing, and you weren’t even in the same conversation._ “You both probably said things you didn’t mean, yes. That doesn’t make it your fault.”

“I must have done something,” Ahsoka mumbled. “Otherwise, she wouldn’t have wanted me to just… go away.”

She evaluated the crumpled posture and watering eyes. _No. They didn’t fix it._ Barriss couldn’t imagine Ahsoka letting go of someone she cared about, fight or no fight. And, as Leiliya matured, she should have come to terms with her feelings. _Like I did._ Whether that meant distancing herself or reinstating their friendship, surely, she would’ve made things right first. No one who loved Ahsoka Tano could leave her in pain. “Were you both, um, not able to resolve it later?”

“I tried,” she whispered. “Not long after that, Lei was apprenticed to Master Di. I thought maybe it would be alright then and tracked her down the first time we were both at the Temple. I apologized and so did she. But it was as if we were two polite Jedi talking about the weather and not friends who had once shared everything. I wanted to fix it and go back to how we were so much. I just didn’t know how.” Ahsoka balled trembling fingers into a fist and stared at her whitening knuckles. “I do now. I should have told her I’d try to understand her better. That I didn’t want to lose her. That she was important to me.” Her voice fractured into a brittle rasp. “But I never can. Three months later…” Glazed eyes lifted to hers. “... Lei died defending a group of villagers on Ryloth.”

A harsh breath spiked her lungs. Grabbing the clenched fingers, Barriss pried her own between them and held on. “I am so sorry.” She wanted to say something more encouraging. That the girl knew Ahsoka cared or it probably hadn’t hurt her that much. But Barriss knew better. Leiliya was simply another version of herself, except too young to cope with emotions she likely had only begun to assimilate. And definitely too young to die, before even getting a chance to live. _What would I want Ahsoka to know?_ “She must have been deeply attached to you to be so upset about you leaving. That means she wouldn’t want you to be unhappy about her. If it helps, Leiliya is part of the Force around us. Whatever that’s like, I’m sure it includes understanding everything, including how you felt about her.”

Misty blue eyes looked back at her. “I hope so. Because, she was special to me.” Her bottom lip trembled. “You know that too, right? You’re very important to me, Barriss.”

“I know,” she replied softly. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

“Better not.” Ahsoka took a deep breath. “Force, I’ve totally derailed us. I only wanted to explain that I've never camped, or anything this close quarters and extended, with a woman. I didn’t think it would be different than other stuff we do, but it’s somehow gotten me off-kilter.” Her face flickered with pain. “I only wanted to make you smile and ended up making you upset instead.”

Barriss squeezed her hand. “I am not upset. And it’s not you, being a woman, or whatever else. It’s _me_ throwing us off. I have trouble adapting to this environment. The best way to help is to be yourself. Things feel more normal. I promise you can’t say the wrong thing with me.” She added a playful lilt. “We’ve been friends too long. If you haven’t run me off yet, it’s certainly not happening now.” She noted Ahsoka’s posture relaxing at her assurance. “Besides,” Barriss added with an unintentional note of adoration, “you always make me smile.”

The woman gazed at her in silent contemplation. Her brow furrowed and then released with a diffident grin. “Thanks. Hopefully, it’ll be better for you tomorrow. We should reach our actual campsite by mid-day. Once we’re settled in one place, I think it’ll be easier for you to adjust. In any case, guess this will be a learning experience for both of us, huh?”

She arched an eyebrow. “Someone told me that was the whole idea.”

Ahsoka groaned and at long last pulled a blanket over her intoxicating body. “Alright, that’s it. Time for bed!”

Barriss smirked. “Such a demanding master.”

She laughed and then blew out the small torch they had been using for spot lighting. Her face became a mass of orange shadows as roaring firelight seeped through cracks in their shelter. A barely visible grin shined in the flickering darkness. “You’re gonna love camping.”

_______

“We’re here!” Ahsoka snagged her hand and dragged Barriss out of the treeline. “Yes!”

Barriss gasped. A pristine lake sat nestled in an open clearing. Wildflowers dotted the perimeter along with lush green grass. A gentle breeze whispered through the surrounding trees, ruffling her hair. “It’s beautiful.”

She beamed. “This is my favorite spot. It reminds me of the importance of balance.” Her tone turned wistful. “I haven’t been here for nearly three years. I was afraid it might have changed, but it hasn’t.”

“Why so long?”

The woman tightened her grip on Barriss’ hand. “The last year of the war didn't leave much opportunity to get away. After it ended, Luke and Leia began to take up all of Anakin’s free time. Obi-Wan is rarely on Coruscant anymore. He’s forever on some Council mission. Rex is running a battalion in the outer rim, mopping up crime syndicates. We all hardly see each other these days, much less go on a trek into the wild. I didn’t really have anyone else to share it with.” Ahsoka’s eyes wandered to hers. “Except you.”

Her stomach performed a quick backflip. “I’m happy you wanted to share it with me.”

“Always.” Ahsoka’s attention strayed to the lake. “This place is important to me, Barriss. The life of a Jedi can feel especially isolating for Togruta. My people are tribal. There's an ingrained need for connection to others and nature that can’t be denied. Here is where it all came together for me. I understood I wasn’t alone; a Jedi’s life didn’t have to be that way. Since the war ended, though, it’s felt a bit like I’m… losing my tribe, I guess. Everyone’s on diverging paths now, when we walked the same one for so long. I was hoping this trip would help me bring things together again, maybe in a different way.”

“And has it?”

Twining their fingers together, she floated her gaze back to Barriss. “Yes, but not how I thought. It made me realize my life may have changed, but that doesn’t change who I am. I hadn’t truly lost anything. Some of my tribe were elsewhere, yet they’re still with me. And one hadn’t gone anywhere at all. She’s right here.”

“Oh.” Barriss swallowed a thick lump in her throat. “I am honored to be part of your tribe, Ahsoka Tano.”

A smile blossomed and the woman pulled her into a hug. “I am honored that you want to be, Barriss Offee.”

Relaxing in the embrace, she whispered, “Always.”

_______

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” Ahsoka yelled from the middle of the lake. “It feels great!”

 _Absolutely not. I’ll accidentally drown myself, if the weapon you call a body gets anywhere near me._ “I’m comfortable here, thanks.” Barriss settled onto the shoreline, rolled up her pants legs, and wiggled bare toes in the water. Leaning back on her palms, she gazed up at the clear sky. A regal bird soared across the violet hues, light of a perfect sun behind it. Her skin prickled in the warm breeze; an aroma of sweet wildflowers drifted through the air. She drew cleansing breaths and took in the harmony. Nature did have a _few_ redeeming qualities.

The Togruta swam toward her and bobbed at the edge of the shallow area. Her exposed breasts peaked the water’s calm surface. “I thought you’d jump at the chance to clean up after our hike. This lake is filtered by the hot spring. So, it doesn’t have any weird microbes or lifeforms, if you’re worried.” She smirked. “It’s tamed nature.”

Pulling off her head scarf, Barriss ran fingers through hair that she was forced to admit was a bit gritty. “And you still like it? Shocking.”

Ahsoka laughed. “I’m—” She broke off with a panicked expression and fixed on something behind Barriss. “Watch out!”

Adrenaline spiking, she leapt up and twisted around. There was nothing. _Wait._ An invisible grip yanked her backwards, and Barriss went hurtling into the lake. Catapulting to the surface, she screeched, “Ahsoka Tano! I cannot _believe_ you did that! It’s not like I have other clothes!”

Full-out cackling came from her left. “Can’t—can’t help if you f-fell in—” The rest of the words drowned in a fit of breathless giggles.

Not even bothering to look, Barriss launched herself toward the sound and collided into an unprepared Ahsoka. Grappling with lekku, she dunked the woman several times, before losing her grip.

Ahsoka remained submerged, and Barriss eyed her ominously approaching shape. Kicking away from the impending retaliation, she felt fingers snag her ankle. “Dam—” The expletive cut off in a glug of water.

Struggling for breath, Barriss broke free and launched herself straight up. Surfacing once more, she spit liquid from her lungs. A small wake crested behind her, and she flailed toward Ahsoka.

Palms shot into the air. “Truce. Are you ok?” Swimming over, she grasped Barriss’ sides and held her steady. “Keep coughing. Sorry, I got carried away.”

The water-logged breaths finally receded and Barriss rasped, “I am going to drown you. Once I finish dying.”

There was a soft laugh. “Fair enough.” Ahsoka released her hold to part the drenched hair partially obscuring her vision. “Tell the truth. This is much more fun than sitting on the boring bank and watching me.” Her hands returned to Barriss, except this time they settled onto her submerged hips.

Her body flushed heat from end to end. Then, she realized her own fingers were curled around Ahsoka’s naked waist under the water. _I should let go._ Her grip tightened, and she fought the urge to sneak a glance at the breasts that most certainly were now in plain view. “I like watching you.” _Ack!_ Barriss rushed to add, “Seeing you enjoy yourself is enjoyable for me.”

She blinked. “Huh. Well, I enjoy myself much more when someone is swimming with me. So, this should be perfect for both of us. Now, aren’t you glad I took appropriate action to make us both happy?”

Given she was currently being held by an Ahsoka of her dreams, Barriss didn't have the heart to argue. “I suppose I’ll overlook the transgression. This time.”

The woman raked eyes across her face with an abstracted air. Then, she lifted her hand and tentatively brushed hair off Barriss’ forehead, before halting mid-stroke. “Uh, is this ok? If I fix the mess I created?”

 _Yes! Don’t stop!_ Barriss answered as lightly as she could manage while her insides were disintegrating, “Least you can do.”

Ahsoka lit up. Her fingers combed through the messy strands as she slicked them back. “I love your hair.”

Nails grazed her tingling scalp. “Y-you do?”

“Oh yeah. When we were younger, I thought up all kinds of crazy ways to try and get a peek. After you finally showed me, it got worse! I started staring like an idiot. Guess because I don’t have any, I became obsessed with yours.” She flashed a diffident grin. “Surprised you never told me to knock it off.”

Her stomach bottomed out. “Um, didn’t notice. But I wouldn’t have minded,” she tacked on quickly.

“In that case, I'm seriously considering a relapse.” She began to smooth tangles from the ends. “Barriss, are you still seeing Kalla?”

She flushed. “No, that ended weeks ago. How did you know I was?”

Ahsoka’s face pinched. “You two were spending alot of time together, but you never seemed to want to talk about her. So, I wasn’t sure what was going on. Then, when I briefed Kalla for her mission to Zygerria awhile back, it sorta came up in conversation.”

Barriss stared. “It sorta came up?”

The woman glanced away. “Yeah. Kalla was surprised I didn’t know already, since we were so close. Is there a reason you didn’t tell me?”

She cringed. “No, we—it wasn’t that serious. There wasn’t much to say. Besides, I didn’t want to spend our time together discussing my boring love life. I’m sorry. Anyway, it didn’t work out.”

The fingers around her hips flexed. “Why not? I mean you two were together for months, right? Seems like things must have been serious enough. What happened?”

 _What always happens. I don’t know how to let you go._ “I suppose we finally figured out it wasn’t going anywhere. You know how relationships are.”

Ahsoka shrugged. “I’ve never really thought about why or where they go.”

“Never? There hasn’t been anyone you thought about in a more serious way?” Barriss ventured, unsure of why she was risking an answer.

She hesitated. “If you’re asking whether any of my previous partners were candidates for a long-term relationship, the answer is no. They were fun adventures or experiments. I didn’t think they would last—or even want them to really.”

Her muscles released tension she didn’t realize was there. “I see. Perhaps, a committed relationship isn't for you? Most Jedi don’t have one after all.”

“That’s what I thought,” she said with a distant expression. “But maybe that’s because I don’t want what I thought.” Her focus snapped back onto Barriss. “What about you? There's Kalla. That fancy lady from Naboo, who lasted less time than one of mine.” Ahsoka sniffed. “Are there any other dalliances you’ve neglected to inform your longsuffering friend of?”

“I’m sorry to disappoint my _melodramatic_ friend, but she’s completely up to date.”

“Who said I was disappointed? That means you have more time to go camping with me.” Ahsoka brandished a little smirk and then suddenly asked, “Have you always been attracted to women? Does it vary by species?”

This conversation was swiftly escalating from awkward to odd. “Yes, it’s part of who I am. The same as men are for you, right?”

“Yeah, of course. Right. Who I am…”

 _Uh, ok._ “Hard to tell on species,” Barriss mused. “There are alot of variations inside each one I might not have met, and it’s not like I’m attracted to every woman I see. It’s probably true for most humanoid species. The rest, well, I can’t say I’ve ever found any Hutt attractive,” she ended with a light grin.

Ahsoka grunted. “Has anyone?” She chewed the inside of her cheek. “How did you know that was part of who you are?”

Her eyebrows shot up. “It’s a long story. The basic gist is that I noticed a pattern in my reactions.”

An attentive face waited, clearly of the opinion more details would be forthcoming.

Sighing, Barriss plunged forward, “I suppose it started when I met this girl.” She coughed. “I began having, um, sexual thoughts about her. That’s when it occurred to me, I’d always been more interested in women. In true Barriss Offee fashion, I resolved to systematically study the question, convinced I’d find definitive truth by verifying my hypothesis. I first conducted extensive research on physiology, sexuality, social customs, brain chemistry, and so forth. Then, I decided practical experimentation would be more illuminative and started logging how my body reacted to every person I met.” Warmth tinged her cheeks at her young insanity. “I also ran field trials by, erm, kissing various types of people.”

The woman stared, corners of her mouth twitching. “You always were an overachiever.” Ahsoka ran a tongue along her lips. “So, what were the results?”

She grimaced. “That I’m obsessive. Luminara noticed my behavior, of course. I was afraid she’d be dismissive or critical, but she simply listened to my disjointed thoughts. When I got upset about not being able to explain things properly, she said something that still helps me.” Barriss smiled in remembered happiness. “I only need to feel alright with me, not define myself to others.”

“Huh. Did Luminara have any advice on figuring things out, though?” The inquiry was posed in a tone that rang just left of casual.

Barriss probed her face. “Yes. She suggested exploring the question was beneficial, but that overthinking often led to more confusion. Answers could only come from within, and it was alright if they were fuzzy ones. Her advice was to follow what I’m drawn to in each situation, rather than limit myself by a preconceived idea of who I was. It took effort—still does sometimes—to adjust from defining every nuance of feeling to accepting fluidity and ambiguity. Once I did, it was freeing. My sexuality is simply mine, and that’s all it needs to be.”

Ahsoka went silent, gaze floating across the lake. “In your research, did you find it was possible for people to like more than one gender?”

This conversation had now officially passed odd, skidded through strange, hopped over weird, and was racing toward tantalizing. _Don’t even think it, Offee. Your heart can’t handle being wrong._ “No research needed. It’s all about personal experience, what’s possible for the person in question. Though, if it helps, we know people who do. Tarro is interested in all genders, for example.”

Her attention jerked back to Barriss. “He is?”

“Yes,” she replied carefully. “Why?”

“Just trying to work something out in my head. It’s confusing, but… maybe it isn’t.” Her ruminative expression morphed into a mischievous one. “Now, where were we?”

“No, you don’t!” Barriss cried and used her still iron grip on Ahsoka’s waist to force the woman beneath the lake.

However, her friend didn’t let go and pulled her along for the ride. They both managed to escape the other’s grasp. Having no intention of being taken from below again, Barriss flipped into a defensive position under the water. Ahsoka apparently had the same idea. Floating a few feet across from each other, the women wore matching grins, while bubbles of oxygen escaped their lips.

As the ripples calmed, Ahsoka’s pure, unadulterated body sharpened into spine-tingling clarity. Barriss nearly lost the breath she was holding. _Almighty Force._ She could do nothing but gawk in total mesmerization.

Ahsoka returned the stare for a few seconds. Then, the woman shot forward. She locked arms and legs around her and launched them into a twisting spin through the lake, bodies intertwined together.

This time, Barriss completely forgot to hold her breath. When she came back to her senses, Ahsoka had her lying on the shore as she spouted worried exclamations and apologies.

She smiled stupidly between hacks of water. Barriss Offee had just died. And it had been glorious.

_______

Barriss tossed her hands in the air. “Well, now I’m certain. Nature hates me.”

“Come on, it’s just sprinkling. We’re almost to the summit.”

She crossed her arms and regarded the woman from hooded eyelids. “Ahsoka. The entire sky is about to fall on us. Even I can see that. If by some miracle we make it to the top of this mini-mountain unscathed, we certainly won’t be viewing any sunsets through raging stormclouds.”

Her mouth flew open, but the retort was drowned out by a sudden onslaught of howling wind. As if wanting to drive the point home, the blackening sky unleashed a clap of thunder. “Gah!” Ahsoka scanned the area. “Get under that outcropping!”

The instruction proved unnecessary, since Barriss was already scampering under the rocky overhang. Ahsoka hunkered down beside her and sifted through her pack. “Don’t worry. I can fix this.” Removing a tightly rolled tarp, she unfurled it. Doonium spikes flew out and clanged to the ground.

The Togruta examined the rockface. Stretching on her tiptoes, she pressed a steel ring of the tarp against the protruding overhang and jammed a stake through it. Ahsoka pummeled the flat top with her gauntlet, embedding it deeper. Her one-handed grip slipped mid-strike as a sharp gust of wind whipped the tarp over her face. “Ack!” She flailed around, attempting to pull the canvas off and ended up with it coiled around her entire body.

Leaping to the rescue, Barriss grabbed the flapping corners. “Be still.” Corralling the rebellious tarp, she extricated the woman. A sizeable section had gotten twisted between multiple lekku and took a full minute to untangle. “There.” She smoothed an askew lek. “Congratulations. Watching your valiant fight to the death with a vicious tarp definitely upped my fun factor.”

Ahsoka groaned and ducked her head. Then, her eyes lifted to Barriss. “Oh, I can do much better than that.”

All the moisture evaporated from her mouth, resulting in a hoarse, “Prove it.” Realizing she was still rubbing Ahsoka’s lek, she yanked her hand away. “Right. Um, how about I hold your nemesis, while you secure everything?”

The woman frowned. “No, I can handle this. You get back under cover and stay dry.”

She hissed through her teeth. “I’m nature-deficient, not incompetent. I thought tribes worked together to solve problems?”

Ahsoka stared at her and then a happy grin snuck onto her face. “Ok, together it is.”

Barriss returned her own grin and stretched the tarp across part of the opening. She kept it taut as Ahsoka spiked the top rings into rock and the bottom ones into hard turf. It only covered half of the opening horizontally but would provide a small safe haven. By the time they were done, the drizzle was blowing in frenzied circles.

Scurrying behind their makeshift shelter, they exhaled a joint sigh of relief. A minute later, sheets of rain began pounding against the tarp as thunder shook the air. Ahsoka wiped water from her lekku. “Perfect timing.”

“Well, _someone_ wanted to keep hiking.”

She waved an airy hand. “I was simply, uh, testing your apprentice naturemaster abilities at… identifying an approaching storm. Yeah. Storm spotting is a critical skill, you know.”

Flicking eyes skyward, Barriss hugged knees to her chest. “I expect top marks.”

“Hmm… you recognized the problem soon enough to keep us from drowning, I suppose. Of course, five minutes earlier would have been best practice.”

She snorted. “So demanding.” A blast of wet air blew in the open side of the overhang and cut through their small shelter. Her skin goosebumped as it penetrated relatively dry yet thin clothing. A drawback to waterproofed fabric, apparently. _Trade-offs, Offee. Live as a wet rat or an icicle? You can only choose one._ “Brr, I think the temperature dropped thirty degrees in two minutes.”

“Tell me about it. I left my jacket back at camp too. Of all the times to forget it, I choose the day we get caught in a miniature monsoon.” She shivered and rubbed her own arms. “Wait.” Ahsoka searched through her bag. Taking out a blanket, she put it around Barriss. “Better?”

“Much. What about you? We only brought the one.” An impulse of avarice struck and Barriss couldn’t stop herself from following it. “Let’s share.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she flushed and stammered, “You don’t—I mean it’s—only if you want to, of course.”

Ahsoka blinked and then flashed a crooked grin. “Tribal approach?”

She stroked her throat with an awkward laugh. “And, erm, practical.”

Blue eyes caught hers and didn’t let go. “Also… warm.”

Hairs rose on the nape of her neck. “That too,” she breathed. Feeling the familiar and dangerous sense of entrancement, Barriss lurched into motion. She shifted and laid half of the blanket over Ahsoka’s shoulders, being careful to leave a small gap between them.

The other woman wrapped the end across the front of her body. There was a split-second pause, before Ahsoka slid an arm around her and pulled Barriss against her blanketed chest. “Is this—are you comfortable?”

Her heart danced inside of a floating existence. “Almost.” Snuggling further into Ahsoka, she tugged her part of the blanket around both of them. Clenching the end, Barriss stretched her arm across the other woman’s stomach. A smile from the depths of unmitigated bliss spread across her face. “Now, we’re both better.”

Ahsoka’s fingers curled around her waist. The thundering assault faded into a soothing thrum as she propped her chin on Barriss’ head and whispered, “Yes, we are.”

_______

Day after day flew by in a whirlwind of activity, each one containing moments of utter perfection for Barriss.

The gift of nature’s reprieve, which provided pristine weather for their second attempt to watch a sunset over the Habitat. Her wonderful contentment as Ahsoka leaned against her shoulder and light faded from the horizon. Followed by the midnight swim, where they floated side by side under the moonlit stars.

The afternoon they climbed trees and hopped from limb to limb in a mad race back to camp. Her delighted exaltation at actually winning. Ahsoka’s pitiful attempts to pretend she wasn’t pouting about the outcome the entire evening. The woman’s diffident smile as Barriss relented by rubbing her cheek and telling her she was still master of the woods.

Ahsoka’s dogged determination to teach her how to track animals. The Togruta's struggle to hide her adorable frustration each time Barriss misidentified animal prints as the most ridiculous creatures she could conjure. The morning Barriss tipped her hand by telling Ahsoka a deer track was most certainly a rathtar. The retaliatory tackle and wrestling match that ended with them both caked in mud. The feel of Ahsoka’s body pinning her to the ground as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

However, the best moments for Barriss were always at night. They’d lay on their bedrolls, blankets superfluous in the warm evening breeze, and talk until they drifted off. The awkwardness of their mutual state of undress had settled into comfortable intimacy. It was completing in a way she’d never felt.

The temporary highs of the rainstorm and the lake were soon eclipsed by something more real and grounded. Anxiety and longing morphed into fledgling confidence and a feeling she’d never before allowed herself to have. Hope.

_______

Barriss finished combing her freshly washed hair. “One would think you’d be tired of staring at it by now,” she commented wryly, while simultaneously reveling in Ahsoka’s fervent gaze.

The Togruta laid back on her bedroll, gaze never deviating from Barriss’ damp tresses. She locked hands behind her head with a cheeky grin. “Nope. Keep going, please.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m afraid the show is over for this evening.” Putting the comb back in her bag, she finished stripping down for bed. Barriss snuck a glance at Ahsoka. A warm thrill shot across her body as glossy eyes cruised her now exposed figure.

Wrenching her gaze back up, Ahsoka cried, “Gah! What kind of service is this? I only counted thirty strokes! I’ve been cheated!”

Smile tugging at her mouth, Barriss flipped hair off her shoulder and stretched out on her bedroll. “It’s your turn to pick a topic tonight, and the anticipation is killing me. I decided to forgo the full fifty.”

Ahsoka harrumphed and shifted onto her side, so they were facing each other. “Well, you owe me seventy tomorrow. And don’t expect to get off lightly on topic difficulty tonight, Lady Offee.” Her eyes glinted and then scanned around their shelter. “Hmm…” When they finally traced a path back to her, there was a strange glow permeating them. “Have you ever been in love?”

She stiffened. “I…”

“Is that too personal?” Ahsoka put in quickly. “I can think of something else.”

Uncoiling her muscles, she shook her head and answered the question, “Yes.”

“What did it feel like?”

Her chest compressed. Barriss was wary of risking the balancing point she’d found over the last several days by unleashing currently under control emotions. “Um, are you saying you haven’t been?”

“I didn’t say any such thing. I’m simply trying to… verify a hypothesis.” The irresistible pout came out in force. “Humor me. Please? I’ll take ten strokes off your tab.”

Barriss rolled her eyes but caved immediately, of course. _Damn your adorableness._ “Ok, I suppose there’s a physical piece. Not true for all people, but you did ask about my experience. For me, the important part is more ethereal. It’s as if the person you love fills a space no one else does in your life.” Her thoughts wandered through warm reflection. “You’d do anything to make them happy. They’re who you want to share everything with most. You hate to be apart. Being with them makes you feel… complete.” She sighed. “In my case, which I wouldn’t say applies to everyone or is really a good thing, it’s also unalterable. Even if they don’t love me the same way, I could never give them up.”

The woman picked at her cuticles. “And you’re talking about romantic love, right? Not like for, say, a close friend?”

“Yes, but—” She tried to tease out the meaning behind the query. Ahsoka’s escalating physicality, the pointed questions on attraction, and her more open admiration had given Barriss hope. Still, potential agony hovered like a dark cloud. She decided on a neutral approach. “If you love someone—or even multiple someones—how we’re talking about, you’d probably have a bonded friendship as well. So, it kind of blurs together. Are you asking me what I believe the difference is?”

“Not sure what I’m asking,” she replied distantly. “You said there was a physical part. Are you talking about sexual feelings?”

“Sort of. This feels richer, more meaningful. Sometimes, being near them is overwhelming. A touch makes my stomach do somersaults. Everything becomes hypersensitive in a way I’ve never experienced with anyone else.” She attempted to pin down the elusive magic only Ahsoka could evoke in her and failed once again. “It’s difficult to explain. There’s a sexual component, yes. But it’s also deeper.”

“It all fits.” Ahsoka rapped fingers against her thigh. “I’m right. I know I am.” Her attention snapped back from whatever dilemma it was resolving. “You described it in the present tense. Does that mean you’re, uh, currently in love with someone?”

Dropping her gaze to the blanket, she teetered between fear and honesty. Finally, Barriss uttered a simple, “Yes.”

“I see.”

The response sounded unusually edgy. Glancing up, Barriss saw something that made no sense. Yet, there it was. Ahsoka was upset. “What is it?”

Her jaw twitched. The woman shifted closer. Too close. Far too close. “Do you think you could ever love anyone else?”

She had to swallow several times to get out an answer. “No. She’s the only person I’ve ever loved. It’s been that way since…” Her emotions were screaming for release. And, as Barriss gazed into the swirling blue, she let the fear go. “... we survived death together as Padawans.”

Ahsoka frowned. “But you and Kalla didn't—oh.” Her body jerked, followed by a wild burst of flickering eyelashes and a hiss of breath. Then everything stopped. There was no movement, no words, no sound, not even a blink.

Barriss went rigid, heartbeat thrashing in her ears. She laid in the unnatural silence. Waiting. For joy or misery. For a dream or a nightmare. For… the truth.

As suddenly as it began, the wait was over. Ahsoka inhaled through her nose, pupils sharpening into pinpoints. A trembling hand extended and rested on her cheek. “Barriss, I want to kiss you. Is that ok?”

Her lungs froze in a pulsing chest. Two seconds later, they kicked into high gear as rapid breaths began punching the air. “Are—are you s-sure? I don’t want to be one of your experiments. Please, Ahsoka. I can’t lose you. If it doesn’t work, what happens then?”

The woman leaned even closer. Hot exhales skimmed Barriss’ mouth. The aroma of earthy pine wafted into her nostrils. Warm fingers caressed her cheek. “You won’t lose me. Because of everything you just said. That’s exactly how you make _me_ feel. I didn’t understand what it meant until this week, but it’s been there for such a long time.” Blue eyes burned with an intensity that called to her own. “I could never give you up.”

Barriss gasped and pitched forward, pressing desperate lips into Ahsoka’s. She had to physically restrain herself by smashing palms into the ground. _Don’t push!_ Ahsoka should set the boundaries of what might be an uncertain experience.

However, the worry proved unfounded as the woman gripped her face and drove a hungry mouth into hers. Emboldened by the enthusiastic response, Barriss wrapped a hand around Ahsoka’s neck and strafed nails across the underside of a lek.

Ahsoka whined into the kiss and lifted fingers to her hair. They glided over her scalp, leaving a tingling glow with each stroke. Following a strand to her ear, the tips caressed its entire curve. They soon spiraled down the side of Barriss’ face and danced along her throat.

Their lips molded together as if they’d always existed that way. Restraint began to crumble. Her body, mind, and heart cried out for more. There was so much of Ahsoka she wanted to touch. The tiny notch in her chin that was only visible when she frowned. The scar on her back lek Barriss always wanted to soothe. The defined stomach muscles that flexed when she laughed. The fierce white markings adorning her graceful face. The wine-shaded lips that produced the pout Barriss couldn’t resist. The delicate-looking skin usually shrouded behind her lekku.

Barriss smiled as she twisted fingers over the nape of Ahsoka’s neck, and her mouth drank from savory lips. _Two down, nine hundred ninety-eight to go._ Trailing a hand to the small of Ahsoka’s back, she drew circles in the taut skin. Widening her radius, she flitted over the underwear that had tormented her for days.

A calloused hand slid to her bare stomach and rubbed into it. Barriss’ body quivered, warmth spiraling into heat. Opening her mouth, she flicked a tongue out and found Ahsoka’s. They sucked and curled around each other. The rush sent her hand further down the skintight underwear to cup Ahsoka’s perfectly rounded cheek. Grazing a thumb along the center, Barriss squeezed.

Ahsoka shuddered and unleashed a guttural moan into her mouth.

Something about the raw, visceral sound whipped Barriss’ heart into anarchy. Long suppressed emotions swamped her wavering control, causing a rupture of tears and a muffled sob.

Stiffening, Ahsoka jerked away. “What’s wrong? Did I mess something up? Do you want to stop?”

“No!” Barriss wiped her cheeks with a strangled curse. “S-sorry. I told you just being near you is overwhelming. Kissing you definitely wasn’t on my list of events I can manage without breaking down. Getting to touch you? I might have just fallen over the edge of sanity.”

Her tensed muscles relaxed. Ahsoka raised a hand and began drying her streaked face. “All part of the experience.”

That induced a tear-choked laugh. “Maybe I like camping after all.”

“About time.” She smirked. “I must admit it was a challenging assignment for even an experienced naturemaster, such as myself. Of course, I never was in doubt of my success.”

Barriss groaned. “I’ve changed my mind.”

“Too late, my now loves camping apprentice. Truth’s out.” Ahsoka’s eyes gleamed and then roved over her body. “Force, you are _beautiful._ I can’t believe it took this long to get myself together.”

Wetting her lips, she asked the question her fragile heart needed answered. “And was just now… ok? Did it feel like you expected?” _Please, say yes. Please._

“Hmm,” Ahsoka mused, “not exactly.”

Her chest spasmed. “Oh. Does that mean you aren’t—don’t want to—”

A hand covered her mouth. “You didn’t let me finish.” She leaned into her ear; steamy exhales prickled fine filaments of hair. “It was so much _better._ ”

Barriss released a huge breath. “Never do that to me again.”

Lips touched her temple. “Then, stop doubting what I say. At the very least, note the fact that I only halted bliss under duress of tears. Otherwise, I’d be kissing much more than your mouth by now.”

Heat rushed through her body as a silly grin formed. “Not so fast, Naturemaster. What makes you think I’m giving it up on the first date?”

Ahsoka jerked back and gaped at her, before bursting into laughter.

Barriss sniffed. “You think dragging me into a lizard-infested wilderness, where I get nearly drowned in a lake, caked in mud, drenched by a monsoon, and have to sleep next to your mesmerizing body—all while my mind slips into madness—qualifies as sweeping me off my feet? I’m not some guy you can wow by jiggling your breasts around. You’re gonna have to work for it.”

That escalated the laughter to wheezing levels. Barely bringing herself under control, Ahsoka attempted a serious expression to terrible effect. “How shall I prove my devotion then, Lady Offee?”

“Mmm…” She rolled the end of an elegant lek in her fingers. “Tell me how you suddenly realized you liked girls, after I spent years pining in a corner.”

The woman grimaced. “Sorry. It was confusing. And part of a bigger, very complicated journey. Once the war ended, I felt out of balance. I wouldn’t even admit the issue for quite awhile. Last year, after some advice from Master Plo, I realized my life was spinning in place. So, I started parsing out who I am now, where I want to go, and how to get there. Remember, how I hoped this trip would help bring things together?”

Barriss nodded.

“It did, except for one piece I couldn’t fit into the puzzle. Well, until now. See, exploring what was going on in my head was when I first realized I wanted to be with you all the time.” She ghosted fingers along Barriss’ lips. “Wanted to touch you, look at you, everything. When you were seeing Kalla, it drove me crazy. I kept trying to figure out why. Why you make me happier than anyone else. Why I think of you as… mine.”

Her heart skipped a beat. _Because I am._ Shunting the emotions away, she remarked, “And what perfectly reasonable explanation did you conjure for these inexplicable facts?”

Ahsoka shot back a glare. “Jedi aren’t exactly knowledgeable on this stuff, you know. No one chats about their sexual inclinations between sparring sessions. I only had my own experience and limited examples from others to go on. I did kinda what Luminara told you to avoid. I conceptualized myself a certain way and never thought beyond that definition. All my romantic relationships were with men. Almost everyone I felt connected to were men. And I am attracted to men. Though, it feels a bit different. Which I guess also muddled things.”

“Different, how?”

“Oh Force, Barriss. I can’t explain how. It’s just… different.” The nervous tension had returned. “If I understood myself, we wouldn’t need this conversation about my idiocy.”

“Don’t say that. It’s not something you have to explain. Any of it really, unless you want to. I was only curious.” She traced a finger over one of Ahsoka’s face markings. “Remember what I told you about my journey? Confusion and anxiety about any part of who we are is normal. Our understanding of ourselves is ever changing.”

“I guess.” Ahsoka exhaled. “I do want to explain, though. I’m not messing it up this time.”

Barriss raised eyebrows. “This time?”

She bit her lip. “It’s important to me that you know I’ve felt this way about you for ages. This isn’t some passing fancy due to a secluded retreat in the wilds of nature or one of my flings. I just misunderstood what it meant.” Ahsoka’s expression hardened. “I decided a deep friendship between women must feel intimate. For why I said, but I also think it was because there was a single example where I remembered having similar feelings. Feelings I’d categorized as the love of a friend.” Her voice cracked. “With Lei.” Squeezing her eyes shut, she growled, “So stupid, Ahsoka.”

Barriss shifted up and cupped her face. “Hey, that’s not fair. Neither of you talked about things in those terms. You were both young and raised in a system that has a hands-off approach with little guidance. I didn't understand myself at that age, either. You’re judging a different version of yourself with the benefit of your current self’s experience and knowledge.”

Miserable blue eyes fluttered into view. “Maybe. Lei was right, though. I didn't understand anything. If I had bothered to try and figure myself out then, we—it wouldn’t have happened.”

“You don’t know that.” She circled thumbs over her taut cheeks. “Would you have adjusted to the idea in a healthy way? Would you have begun an illicit relationship as initiates? Suffered consequences to your life as Jedi as a result? Would knowing but not acting have hurt your friendship? Would your feelings for each other have changed as you both matured and brought heartbreak? Would it have altered the tragic events on Ryloth? Would the woman I love even exist? Who we are now can’t be who we once were without sacrificing the journey between.”

Ahsoka blinked rapidly and then covered her face with trembling hands. “What—what if it _was_ a better path, especially for her?”

“There is no better path,” she murmured. “I was only suggesting that understanding then might not have led to happiness for you both. However, all the outcomes I mentioned were branches of a path that isn’t real. There’s no way to validate them or any others.” Gripping Ahsoka’s wrists, she guided them down and locked their eyes. “The path not taken doesn't exist. Dwelling on an imaginary paradise will bring only misery.”

“You’re right.” Pulling her hands out of Barriss’ grip, Ahsoka turned away with a shudder. “I burned that path, simply because I wasn’t looking for it.”

“Please, don’t. Leiliya made her own choices, as well. Blaming yourself won’t change what is, and you definitely don’t deserve it. Neither of you do. And none of it negates the happiness you did find with each other or the impact she had on your life.”

Ahsoka’s head rotated back to her. Thick tears hung on her eyelashes for a long moment. Then, they began cascading down her face.

“What I said our first night here is true,” Barriss wisped her fingers along a wet cheek. “Wherever she’s existing, there is only peace. If she was anything like me, Leiliya would never want thoughts of her to bring pain and sadness. She’d love you forever with no regrets, whatever the outcome. So, don’t look back to find guilt or heartache but to cherish what was actually real. The love you shared.”

She let out a strangled sob and curled into Barriss. “I still w-wish I had told her…”

Holding Ahsoka close, she stroked her montrals. “I know.”

_______

While happy that Ahsoka’s mood had brightened, the urge to stop the woman’s ramble by putting her in a full body lock and kissing her unrelentingly was becoming unmanageable. _No one to blame but yourself, Offee. You asked the blasted question._ “Anything else you’d like to add to this _very_ complete explanation of your confusion? I think we’ve still got an hour before sunrise.”

Ahsoka clucked her tongue. “Patience, Lady Offee. I’m not stopping until I’ve proven my devotion.” She eyed Barriss. “Are you saying you can no longer resist my charms?”

The challenge ousted her impatient desire, and she proceeded to stupidly prolong her own frustration by waving a superior hand. “Continue, supplicant.”

“Ugh. Fine. Where was I? Oh yes, my knowledge base.” In a truly Ahsoka Tano display of dramatics, she cleared her throat with a variety of grating croaks. Apparently, an entire army of frogs had taken up residence inside her and were now dying horrible deaths. The slaughter was accompanied by a fist thumping her chest. Then, she took several exaggerated breaths and cracked her knuckles.

“Are we ready now?”

“Mmmmaybe.” Brushing nails against her scantily clad chest and then examining them, she popped her lips a few times. “ _Anyway,_ as I was saying, I'm not sure I’d ever considered the idea that I might be attracted to men and women both, until our conversation at the lake. In all honesty, I have no idea how many different ways people can be attracted to anyone. Or… anything? Is that a thing?”

“My, my, my…” She tsked. “Not to worry, my wayward apprentice. I plan to teach you everything you need to know.”

Her head cocked. “Ok, I’m still adjusting maybe, but was that joke meant to be taken at face value? Or, I am supposed to be feeling an acute need for you to pin me to the ground and begin said instruction post haste?”

Barriss waggled her eyebrows. “Yes.”

Ahsoka groaned as a grin tugged on her lips. “Which reminds me of another reason for my cluelessness. How I feel about you is impossible to define.” She curled a strand of hair around her fingers. “An entire language bank seems inadequate. That’s how I finally knew I was right. You expressed what I couldn’t quantify.” Her voice coarsened to a husky whisper, “You simply make me feel… complete _._ ”

It was too much. Lunging forward, Barriss captured Ahsoka’s lips with her own. Unable to hold herself in check this time, she swung up to straddle the other woman. Gripping her face, Barriss thrust a tongue into her mouth.

Ahsoka lifted her head and dug into the kiss. She ran hands along Barriss’ shoulders, soon drifting along her collarbone. The touch wavered, edging lower but not quite arriving at the goal its owner clearly wanted.

Barriss smiled and dropped her own hands. Flattening palms against the infuriating fabric covering Ahsoka’s breasts, she rubbed hard.

There was a stifled moan. Apparently forgoing her earlier target, Ahsoka slid arms around her waist. Fingers slipped under the band of her underwear, nails scraping across delicate skin.

Her back arched up at the heady contact, and Barriss broke away as electric shocks ricocheted through her body. Desperately hanging onto a sliver of control, she gazed down into longing that mirrored her own. “Finish your answer,” she panted. “Right now.”

Giving her lekku a quick shake, Ahsoka exhaled a ragged breath. “There’s only one answer that matters.” Her hands floated to Barriss’ thighs, thumbs stroking across goosebumping skin. “I suppose my mind couldn’t see past the way I’d defined myself, until I posed the question. Because, the truth has been there forever.” Blue eyes blazed to life with a wild fierceness. “I love you, Barriss Offee.”

Breath bottled up inside her chest as blissful unreality soaked into it. “Forever sounds about right,” she whispered. “Because, that’s exactly how long I’ve loved you.”

A smile like the morning sun breaching snow-tipped peaks sparkled on her face. “So much _better._ ” Reaching up, she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and then stuck out a pouty lip. “Now, where were we?”

“Teaching.” Barriss dove back into Ahsoka and basked in the beauty of no longer impossible possibilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content sigh. 💜  
> If you would like to read the other path, click the 'previous chapter' button. Assuming you do, I'd love to know which was your favorite. It's difficult for me to judge whether one turned out better. If you adore my babies equally, I'd love to know that too! (Note, I did not ask which one you _disliked_. I'm feeling optimistic today. But, if you must, you are permitted to crush my soul.)  
> _____  
> While some themes of this story were inspired by real experiences, these are characters in a fictional romance, in a fantasy setting, in a story that is meant to entertain. Their opinions and actions are based on their character traits and story needs. Liberties are taken, tropes are prevalent, and behaviors are less nuanced. It's a story for fun, not a treatise on sexuality. Reality is much more complicated. As such, I offer the following disclaimers on the off-chance someone gleans life advice from this story:  
> 1\. Do not take your best friend camping in the hopes of them suddenly realizing they are in love with you.  
> 2\. One does not need lots of experience with a specific gender to realize you are attracted to that gender. Nor, does one need a traumatic, misinterpreted love at a young age to slow down the process of discovery. Figuring out your sexuality at any age is just fine. You don't need a reason why it happened to you when.  
> 3\. Fluidity is also just fine. Don't let anyone put you in a corner. Choose your own corner. And then remember you have an entire ballroom.  
> 4\. If finding a name/label for how you feel gives you a sense of belonging, understanding, and community, go for it. As Barriss would say, your sexuality is yours. That's all it needs to be.  
> 5\. What if I told you Ahsoka was a demi-homoromantic bisexual? What about a demiromantic, demisexual lesbian and a aromantic heterosexual? (Say whaaat?) Does that mean anything to you? Does it matter? If yes, yay! If no, yay! If you're rushing to the internet to google it, also yay! That's kinda my point. Speaking of... is there a flag for that?


End file.
